Beauty In Its True Form
by adstyle17
Summary: Tonks wanted to help Hermione with a Polyjuice potion, but disaster strikes when something is revealed that Tonks has kept hidden for years. But Hermione thinks Tonks is beautiful how she truly is? F/F
1. chapter 1

An; A new short story here, hope you like it.

Bird song broke through the air as Hermione was crushing her ingredients with a mortar and pestle. "Tonks please, I need to get this right, I've only got this to work with. I can't afford to make another."

Tonks canary yellow beak morphs back into her usual nose and mouth and sheepishly smiles. "So the real birds can do it, but I can't?"

Hermione emptied the now powder-like substance into the cauldron in front of her. "The real birds aren't singing into my ear."

"Right. No noisy animals. Got it." Tonks said convincingly.

Hermione looked down to stir her potion in a clockwise motion and when she looked up she rolled her eyes. Although simultaneously had to battle her natural instinct to smile.

Tonks eyes were so bugged out the eyeballs were touching each other through the skin of her eyelids.

"Is it too much to ask that you take this seriously?" Hermione enquired.

"I'm watching you make a potion in the forest with nothing to pass the time with" Tonks complained as her eyes returned to normal.

"You're more than welcome to help, there's plenty amount of lacewing flies that are being unattended to" Hermione offered.

Tonks examined her fingernails as if they were the most interesting things on the world. Hermione shook her head and reached out for the wings herself.

Another glance back at Tonks "Oh for the love of...why?"

Tonks, or Hermione as she now appeared to be, replied in Hermione's own voice. "I don't know what your talking about".

Hermione glared at which only resulted in Tonks Hermione glaring back. "So childish."

Hermione went back to her work, actively trying to ignore the other her as she mimiced her exact movements, whilst void of any equipment or ingredients.

"Darn good help you are" Hermione commented uncaringly, but this was clearly a front because she didn't have to say anything if she didn't care.

Eventually though even Tonks grew bored. In her normal appearance she grumbled "Is it nearly done yet, it's just I had plans of sleeping tonight?"

Hermione disregards the sarcasm and answered "Ten minutes. That's all you need to wait for. Can you do that?"

Tonks sighed and thought back on her day.

Her spontaneous decision to swap her lousy apartment for the Three Broomsticks during her time off, seemed an ingenious idea two hours ago. She wanted a much deserved glass of Ogden's to conclude another strenuous week at work.

It so happened to be Hogsmeade weekend for the third year and up students of Hogwarts. So in the middle of Tonks second order, in stepped four sixth years and a fifth year girl she knew well. Harry the scruffy, Ron the greedy, Neville the unfortunate, Hermione the brainey and Ginny the...well Ginny.

Tonks ruffled some hair, had a few laughs, and managed to guzzle down her drink before Hermione told her "I wish I knew you'd be here beforehand, I would've owled you".

Fought a flattered blush Tonks replied "I didn't know I was going to be here an hour ago. Why may I ask?"

"Well, we've been given this potions project, by Slughorn. Experimentation with Polyjuice potion. Each of us had to choose an aspect of the potion to experiment with, and I chose the hair" Hermione told her.

"Ok" Tonks replied, waiting for where she came into it.

"More specifically, I wanted to explore the morphing abilities of the potion, its accuracy, its boundaries. And I thought the best way to test it's true morphing potential is to use Metamorphagus hair."

Tonks nodded. "Ok"

When Hermione didn't continue and looked at her expectantly, Tonks soon caught up. "You mean my hair".

"I was going to owl you in a weeks time requesting that you send a strand back... but as your here" Hermione explained.

Tonks was going to respond but Ron intervened "Mione, Tonks came here for a drink not a potions lesson."

"Of course. You're right, I can wait a week or so." Then Hermione realised that Tonks hadn't even agreed at all yet. "If that's okay by you, if not I can speak with Professor Slug-"

"Sure" Tonks said, she cleared her throat of the sticky brandy lingering around in it. "I mean if you can find a suitable schedule around my work hours I'd be more than happy to help."

Actually it would be a pain in the arse because Tonks work hours were strict, getting permission to enter Hogwarts grounds requires a lot of signatures and communication as well...just a lot of work to do on Tonks part compared to Hermione's.

In the end that problem never came into the equation because Hermione excitedly replied. "Really? Oh, to heck with it, I'll run back to Hogwarts for my supplies, it shouldn't take long."

"Do you have to spoil everything?" Ron groaned.

Hermione gave him a withered stare. "It's easier in the long run, it means we can get it done and out of the way."

"Doesn't Tonks need permission to be on Hogwarts grounds?" Harry knowingly asked.

Tonks nodded in apologetic confirmation.

Hermione defiantly replied "Then we just have to sneak her in; somewhere no one is going to see her coming or going."

Tonks chuckled. "Did you just suggest we break the rules? What have you guys been teaching this girl?"

" _That girl_ has always been a dark horse, she's just never admitted it" Ginny teased.

"Oh shut up" Hermione commented half-heartedly. With sudden acknowledgment, Hermione added "the Forbidden forest. Nobody in there right minds will be there, bar Hagrid, the chances of bumping into him are slim. And he's likely the only Professor who wouldn't think anything of it."

"The Forbidden forest, are you mental?" Ron asked, before hokfong a hand-up "wait, do not answer that"

"I'm perfectly capable, and Tonks even more so. I think we can handle it" Hermione replied.

Tonks smirked at the flattery "Thank you, I really don't hear that enough."

With the matter clearly settled, Harry said simply "Well it was nice seeing you Tonks, however briefly".

Tonks wasn't at all bothered by this initially. She enjoyed Hermione's company above most, and to sacrifice a couple more glasses of brandy with a casual afternoon with her, was not really much of a loss.

So Tonks and Hermione exited the Three Broomsticks with reciprocated farewells, and walked to the end of the village. Once there Hermione kindly requested that Tonks wait here whilst she ran back to Hogwarts. And run she did, in the direction of the Shrieking Shack.

Tonks quite enjoyed the peace whilst she waited. She watched the snowfall, allowing the flakes to melt into her gloves. She watched some Hufflepuff students enjoying the snow. She witnessed young courting couples, quite melancholy for someone single like her to see, but sweet in general.

In a shorter time than Tonks expected, Hermione was back with her bag equipped onto her shoulder. "I'm sorry, I wasn't too long was I?"

"No, I was just here enjoying the scenery" Tonks looked Hermione over "Where's your cauldron?"

Hermione tapped her bag proudly "everything is in here."

"Wonders never cease with you do they?" Tonks complimented her, causing the intended flush of the brunettes cheeks.

Tonks was rather excited at that point. Precisely what she was excited about she didn't know, she just sensed fun of some kind.

Tonks was now starting to think her senses were off.

"Alright. It's ready" Hermione said back in the present. "Now your hair."

Tonks sharply tugged a strand of bubblegum pink and a hair popped out rather painfully. "Aaa, that stung."

Hermione reached over with a potion flask "just bung it in here".

Tonks took the hair into her fingers and it wasn't until then that Tonks realised she was shaking. Hermione noticed too "are you okay?"

Tonks forced a smile and tried to play it off. "I'm colder than I thought I was."

Hermione wasn't fooled and Tonks knew it. She said nothing and took the hair from Tonks, dropping it end first into the empty flask. Hermione then spooned the grey mixture into it and gave it a swirl.

"What now?" Tonks asked.

Hermione started lifting the flask to her mouth and Tonks quickly objected. "Wait! I didn't know you were going to test it on YOURSELF. Think about what it could do to you."

Hermione lowered it again "Well, I suppose you're right. But I can't test it without consuming it can I?"

"What if it does something permanent to you? I heard about your little cat incident." Tonks challenged.

"Tonks, you may be a Metamorphagus but your still a human species defautly, something like the cat incident will not happen here. I have researched this thoroughly you know, if there was any danger from me drinking this then I wouldn't consider drinking it would I" Hermione explained calmly.

"You have a theory, not a fact. At least do it under professional supervision" Tonks pleaded.

"I am. You're here.

"I meant a Professor" Tonks responded.

"You're as good as. I know the requirements an auror needs, one of them is advanced potion-making skills. If anything goes wrong you can simply reverse it."

Tonks knew she wasn't going to win at this point. "You're putting me in a lot of trouble for doing this."

Hermione met Tonks eyes sincerely "I know, but I trust you. I wouldn't be doing this otherwise."

Tonks couldn't fight those eyes, and neither could she fight that horrible feeling inside her. Truthfully, it had nothing to do with safety.

Tonks grew quiet with dread "just do it."

Hermione obliged, tilting her head back she allowed the disgusting potion to flow directly down her oesophagus. After recoiling and balking at the taste Hermione eventually recovered.

She was very much aware of how Tonks grew increasingly more anxious, but just put it down to her inclination towards safety. Hermione meanwhile took out some parchment, ink and a quill. Hermione sat and waited for the change.

Not too long after, Hermiome felt the bubbling of her skin and let the feeling of the change overcome her.

Tonks could see the change happen and her worst fears were confirmed. Tears appeared in her eyes.

Hermione felt the transformation end and immediately began examining herself. She spoke as well as wrote her findings down.

"Skin tone successful...body shape.

..hair change, wait" Hermione looked up at Tonks questioningly "you have natural blonde hair."

Tonks simply nodded morosely.

Hermione knew the pink clearly wasn't her natural colour, but she'd never had guessed light blonde.

Hermione finished her checklist with a proud sigh. "Well, as far as I can tell it went well. I can't morph into another form like you can but I knew that beforehand."

Tonks was looking at Hermione but not really listening. Hermione began to get worried. "Tonks what's wrong?"

Tonks shook her head "I'm just gonna go...it was nice seeing you Hermione."

Tonks slowly got to her feet, an incredibly sad expression in place of the usual charming smile. "Tonks wait."

Tonks began walking backwards; apologetic but eager to get away. "It's okay, i'm not angry at you...I'm just tired."

Hermione left her ingredients and approached Tonks carefully "clearly something's upset you. Was I too pushy? Did you-"

"No Hermione...I just need to go." Tonks quickened her escape. Turning her back on Hermione, she began to run. Hermione called after her but Tonks never looked back and before long she was gone.

Hermione stood there completely baffled and guilty as sin. She felt awful, and vowed to apologize to Tonks at the nearest opportunity for...

For what? _Did_ Hermione push too hard? Surely if she had she wouldn't have relented, and she only got upset once Hermione drank the potion. Hermione was perfectly fine, she didn't feel like the potion had failed. Either way, Tonks would not have run away instead of help Hermione had something gone wrong.

So caught up in the confusion and regret of sending Tonks away, Hermione completely forgot she no longer looked like herself. She started collecting up her equipment and leaving the area where she was enjoying her afternoon with Tonks from.

Slinging her bag full of shrunken items over her shoulder, Hermione had one thing on her mind. She was already formulating a plan and constructing a letter of apology to Tonks, meanwhile she found herself exiting the forest near the bank of the lake.

A couple of Ravenclaw students reading under a tree looked up at Hermione as she walked by, and it was as Hermione glanced at them that she ackowledged their repulsed faces. It was enough for Hermione to stop and snap at them "do you mind?"

The boy was apparently just as rude as he was disgusted. "Word of advice, get that checked out before you talk to us again. I'd pay more attention to you if I wasn't being distracted by that."

"How dare you, your attitude needs a real seeing to you know that?" Hermione replied.

"Not as bad as that face does. Seriously, get it checked out." The girl added.

Hermione was about to grill them both for all they deserved, until she clocked onto what they were saying. She momentarily froze as she began joining the dots.

Hermione drinks Polyjuice potion and turns into Tonks natural form. Tonks gets upset and disappears. Five minutes after Tonks is gone Hermione is getting criticised for her appearance; Tonks' appearance.

Hermione bolted away from the rude students in the direction of the water. She stopped right on the edge of the bank and peered in at her reflection.

Now everything made complete sense.

The first thing Hermione noticed was that fundamentally Tonks was beautiful, there wasn't many areas in which Tonks needed improvement. Except one thing. The second thing she noticed was that one thing was so distracting that any simple-minded person couldn't look past it.

And that thing was a bright red-purplish birthmark covering a large part of Tonks left cheekbone and jaw. It wasn't huge but it was big enough to be subconscious about, exactly how Tonks felt five minutes ago when Hermione changed into her.

Hermione couldn't have felt worse for Tonks, or any more sorrowful. Tonks hid this face for a reason, never did she think it would be seen in the flesh. Then Hermione had to come along and reveal it all, and bring some unwanted attention to a part of her that she held so little confidence with.

'What have you done Granger?' Hermione blasted herself. She knew she had a lot of work to do, and she was no longer thinking of the potions assignment.


	2. A Spoilt Christmas

Five days of owls being sent back to her with only her own letter in talon. Tonks had read them because the seals were broken, but she returned them unanswered. Truthfully this irritated Hermione, fueled her inner lectures every night telling herself she was a horrible friend who didn't know how to stop being so academic, this time it proved that there were moments where being eager to learn wasn't always the popular trait Hermione believed it to be.

Above all Hermione felt awful. Tonks had always been so confident in herself but on new reflection it was apparent that she was confident in the way she _wanted_ to look. Underneath all those layers and disguises was something wonderful, but not recognised. Not even by herself.

Hermione can empathise with Tonks, recalling how her front teeth used to be quite glaringly beaverish. And it was hypocritical for Hermione to say she felt confident in how she looked because she herself had them magically changed. How could Hermione begin to tell Tonks that she should be proud in how she looked, when she herself never truly believed in hers?

This train of thought gave Hermione an idea. She'd wait til the Monday where the holidays start and they all congregate at the Burrow for the holidays. Tonks would be there at least one day, to not do so would raise questions and if Hermione knew Tonks the last thing the auror wanted as a cherry on the bitter cake was everyone else to start getting on her case.

Meanwhile Hermione had another day to write one more letter. Hermione did consider the fact that her badgering was only highlighting that Hermione knew the truth more and more. But Hermione was adamant that in a way it was good that someone knew; she had someone on her side for once that understood.

Her fifth letter read:

 _Tonks,_ _I don't mean to pester you, this is the last letter I promise. It's more of a notice really. I will be at the Burrow this Christmas, my parents are spending the holidays with my aunts who I cannot stand, and they know it. It was an easy choice in the end._ _So I'm there the whole holiday, and I'm sure you will be as well, if only briefly. I'm more hoping than asking that I get a few minutes of your time, just to exchange gifts and talk. And I won't beat around the bush, I want us to talk about what happened in the forest._ _I've said this countless times in these letters, and I'm only going to say them in person as well until you start listening. I **do** **not**_ _find you repulsive, and neither should anyone else. Your mark is just a blemish on a beautiful tapesty, and that might seem corny and false to you but without the mark nobody would ever tell you that you're not beautiful. And that's a problem for those simple-minded people to work out, you don't have to feel insulted because some arsehole couldn't look past one thing to see another._ _Anyway please don't shut me out forever, you must know that discovering your true you hasn't affected our friendship in the slightest. If anything it's made me care for you more._ _I hope to see you at some point in the next week or so. If not I will understand, I'll be disappointed too but I'll forgive you if you ignore me completely._ _All the best_ _Hermione_ Hermione folded the letter up and sleeved it inside an envelope with practiced ease. She sealed it with a sigh and went to go find Harry.

It wasn't hard to find him as he was rarely a metre away from Ginny at all times, and she was always sneaking out her little alcove in the common room for a snog with him.

"Is that a Nimbus TwentyTwenty I see?" Hermione openly asked as she entered the room.

Ginny's mouth drew away from Harry's with lightning speed as she gazed longingly out the window. "Where?"

"Oh, sorry must've just been a Comet 360" Hermione answered. "Anyway now that excitement is over can I use Hedwig again Harry?"

Harry looked at Hermione sternly "have a heart Hermione, she's done four trips in five days. She's only an owl, she hasn't got an unlimited supply of energy. Who have you been messaging all these times anyway?"

"Tonks"

Harry sensed something slightly off and asked "Were you two okay the other day? Did anything bad happen?"

"Clearly not. I'm fine and Tonks is fine. Just more research for my potion assignment." Hermione lied. Hermione hadn't even used her Metamorphagus experiment in the end, the idea no longer felt right. Hermione would tell Harry the truth but Hermiome herself wasn't supposed to know. Down the line Hermione would do so, but for now it was need to know.

"Does Hedwig have to suffer so much for your academic conquests?" Harry asked, his tone only displaying good nature.

"She'll get double, no triple treat rewards for it" Hermione promised.

"I'll hold you to that if she doesn't. She's in the owlery."

Hermione thanked him and made her way there. She found her quickly and she swooped over expectantly "I'm sorry girl, last one I swear. Three walnuts when you return guaranteed."

Hedwig hooted gleefully and Hermione attached her letter to the white owls outstretched leg. Then she watched Hedwig dive over the side of the tower and gracefully flap and glide into the distance.

Hermione sighed, hoping she got through to the auror this time.

Hermione yawned as she entered the kitchen to the smell of Molly's cooking. "Smells wonderful Mrs Weasley."

"Why thank you dear, good morning. Sit, I'll bring some breakfast over." Molly replied, busy with the sausages.

Hermione took her usual seat, third at the breakfast table in the morning was a feat she found she achieved quite often in this house. "Good morning Mr Weasley".

"Hermione, have a good night's sleep?" He kindly asked in greeting.

"Lovely as usual. Are we expecting anyone today?" Hermione had asked that question on cue every day that she'd been here, only one person she wanted to hear about.

"We believe Charlie will be back for a few days until Christmas night, he'll be here in roughly an hour. Luna is expected to arrive in the afternoon. And...I believe that's it." Arthur answered.

Hermione replied with acceptance but a twinge of sadness tugged at her. Until Molly piped up. "No dear, you're forgetting Tonks in the evening. She has something for you remember."

"Oh, my soapbox. Now I'll really find out why muggles love the smell of ylang-ylang" Arthur exclaimed happily.

Hermione completely discarded the soap, and her next breath. She asked "did she say when-" cough "-she'll get here?"

"Around eight I believe. She won't be stopping too long" Arthur answered.

"She's more than welcome to, I'm not serving dinner until eighty thirty and I always make more than enough" Molly said with a slight pout.

"I'm sure she'll consider it Molly. Who can really turn down your food?" Arthur complimented.

Hermione zoned out of the conversation at this point, she barely greeted the others by the time they came searching for breakfast and by the end of breakfast she felt more hungry than she was when she sat down.

Hermione didn't stop thinking about Tonks expected appearance all day, leaving her isolated in her and Ginny's room. The younger rehead came in search of her three times to check on her, once from Harry. Each one with growing concern, Hermione had even dismissed lunch under the excuse of having an upset stomach.

It wasn't until six that Hermione finally appeared downstairs. Molly was first to meet her "Hermione dear, are you feeling better?"

"A little bit Mrs Weasley, I just...came down for some water." Hermione appeased falsely.

"I'll get it for you, why don't you sit with the others for a while?"

Hermione didn't want to argue so she entered the living room and sat down. Ron greeted her with "so you're out of hibernation then."

He received a whack from Ginny, resulting in a pained "bloody hell"

Harry asked genuinely concerned "Hermione are you really okay?"

"I'm fine, can people stop asking?" she grumpily replied.

Luna, Hermione hadn't even noticed was there, spoke up from her upside-down Quibbler "Are you interested in ylang-ylang soap too Hermione?"

Hermione frowned and said "No."

"Oh, then don't worry Tonks will be here soon."

Hermione glared at Luna for a moment in irritation, why did she have to be so...stupidly intuitive?

"Not your potions assignment again Hermione" Ron said.

"Luna doesn't know what she's talking about. I'm fine. Now can I please not be the centre of all your attentions please?" Hermione complained, and the others were wise to move the topic off of her.

The next two hours consisted of Hermione ignoring any further conversation and looking at her watch as it agonisingly slowly ticked round. She was half-hoping to hear the sound of apparation in the garden, and half-dreading it.

Then...she heard it.

Hermione's eyes rocketed to the door and waited for the knock. The others had heard and were patiently waiting whilst Molly went to the door. The mother Weasley opened the door and there was..."Remus, we weren't expecting you?"

"Last minute change Molly, Tonks had a little something to deal with at home so she sent me. Here are the soaps Arthur wanted." The former DADA professor handed the box to her and she invited him in.

Hearing and witnessing it all Hermione got to her feet and belted from the room and up the stairs. She greeted him briskly with "hi Lupin, not feeling well can't talk".

Hermione didn't head to her room though, she went straight for Ron's. Inside she stormed over to Harry's bed and searched through his belongings until she withdrew the invisibility cloak. After cleaning up her mess she left again and went to her shared room, locking it closed.

As far as Hermione was concerned if Tonks wasn't going to come to her, then she would go to Tonks.

She quickly composed a note and laid it on her pillow, not expecting Ginny to come up until long after dinner by which time Hermione would hopefully be gone. She unlocked the door simultaneously whilst covering herself up with the cloak.

Then to keep the illusion she was still in the room she locked the door on the way out.

Hermione headed down to the kitchen completely hidden and positioned herself so that she could follow Remus on his way out. Unfortunately for Hermione, he took up Molly's offer of dinner. So going through the torture of waiting to see Tonks, was accompanied by the torture of seeing people eat to their hearts content whilst Hermione starved. 'Sacrifice' she told herself.

Ginny was asked once to go check on Hermione and considering there was no outcry when Ginny got back meant that her ploy had worked. Thankfully it wasn't roo long before Lupin had finished and graciously left the table to gather his coat. Hermione followed him closely enough to stay within touch of him but not too close that she'd bump into him if he turned unexpectedly.

Whilst he said his farewells Hermione waited, and when Molly opened the door Hermione timed her exit perfectly. Molly waved goodbye to Lupin as he walked with Hermione practically on his heels, then Molly shut the door.

Hermione considered clutching onto Lupin when he exited the wards, but the chance of splinching either her or Remus was very risky. So she had no option but to reveal herself to him.

"Lupin wait"

He was startled and twisted round to see Hermione whipping off the cloak. "Merlin's beard Hermione, you gave me a fright".

Coming from an auror and former DADA professor Hermione took that as a compliment. "I need to see Tonks".

She knew Lupin was living with her, they even dated briefly but Lupin had commitment issues, like being in love with his Marauder friend Sirius.

"Unfortunately Tonks isn't available for company right now" He replied.

"This is important Lupin" Hermione looked around to see if she was being watched before adding "I know about her true form".

Lupin's face got a little stony "I know you do. Like I said, she doesn't want to talk."

"Please, just five minutes."

Lupin observed Hermione for a while, internally debating in his head. "Does anyone know you are gone?"

"No"

"Good, we best be quick before they do."

And as quickly as that they were gone in a pop.

Tonks sat before the mirror, palming at her cheek. Her hand rubbed the edges of her dark bruise-like feature, touching the pointed edge knifing up to her eye. Then she dragged her finger along the mark to the rounded blunt edge tickling her jawline. The shape of it comparing to an irregular fat crescent moon.

She irritatedly stopped touching her face and began brushing her hair. She trailed from her scalp to her shoulder blades the yellow and white strands. As she corrected the slight knots and kinks in her hair, she read one of Hermione's letters over.

'...no human is perfect, and your imperfection is the only thing stopping you from being so...'

'...if people just got to know you they'll certainly see the beauty...'

'...people's definition of beauty is subjective, one persons repulsion is another person's envy...'

"Give me a break" Tonks scoffed, flinging the parchment across her dresser.

She rubbed her temples and started morphing back into her preferred Tonks. The birthmark stayed and Tonks groaned out a glamour charm to hide it.

Just as she did she heard footsteps on the steps out front and listened to the door opening. "Did Arthur get his soap alright?"

"Erm...yes, he did." Lupin tamely responded.

"That man is such a goof with Muggles." Tonks said good-naturedly.

Lupin hung up his coat and started saying "Tonks, we have-"

"-to get milk, I know. I was just about to get some" she finished, reaching for her purse.

"No, Nym we have..." but it was too late because Tonks had already turned around and spotted the brunette standing shyly at the front door.

"Erm...hi" she greets Tonks awkwardly.

"Like I said, we need milk...I'll just go-"

"Nym."

"Why did you bring her here Remus?!" Tonks blew up at him suddenly.

"She practically followed me here. Besides she deserves an explanation at least for why you've been ignoring her letters" He answered innocently.

"She can bog off for all I care"

"Tell her that yourself, she's standing right there" he replied before heading down the hall "I'll be in my room, try not to annoy the neighbours will you?"

Then he was gone leaving the two girls alone. Hermione was about to speak but Tonks stopped her "Don't. Not a word. What the hell is this huh? Found my little secret and now you're my stalker."

"I'm confused, do you want me to answer that or do you still want me to shut up?" Hermione retaliated.

"Don't get smart with me. This is my flat and I don't want you in here."

"It's yours AND Lupin's flat, I'm HIS guest."

"Oh just...go away"

"I will!" Hermione exclaimed. "But not until you hear me out."

Tonks laughed dryly "more pretentious 'you're beautiful in your own way' talk. Well go on, what version of 'you're beautiful' am I receiving today."

"Why are you attacking me? I'm trying to help you" Hermione sincerely returned.

"I don't want your help! Things are perfectly fine the way they are, or were until you came along and drank a Polyjuice potion with my hair in it!" Tonks grilled her.

"You agreed! And you kept your insecurities from me! Don't blame me for your own choices!" Hermione fumed back.

"The point of a secret you don't want people to know _is to not tell them_!" Tonks argued. The two were feet from each other as they warred with words.

"And not allow people to drink a Polyjuice potion that reveals what your trying to keep secret!" Hermione countered.

"I didn't know it would work for one thing. And secondly you didn't tell me you were going to drink it until after I provided my hair."

"You allowed me to. You had a chance to stop me, all you had to do is say you were uncomfortable with what might happen and insist that I don't test it. But either way someone would've needed to test that potion, wouldn't you rather it have been someone who isn't going to judge you, nor change how she sees you" Hermione informed her softly.

Tonks looked at her and coldly said "but you have"

"Not in a negative way"

"It doesn't matter" Tonks forcefully replied. "I want people to see me as this Tonks, not as..."

"This Tonks is no different to the other Tonks" Hermione stated.

"It is because this is the Tonks I want to be."

Hermione regarded her sadly "Perhaps you're right. But answer me this, did you choose this Tonks because you wanted this version, or did you choose it becomes you didn't want your true one?"

Tonks levelled Hermione with a withered look. "I chose who I felt was truly me"

"That Tonks is absolute horse dung. The answer was in your eyes when you looked at me a week ago. The answer was in the horrible comments being sent my way whilst looking like the real you. The answer was in the avoidance of my letters and hiding away in your flat because you didn't want us to be having this argument".

Tonks turned around and crossed her arms "I think it's about time you left".

Hermione relented "okay, I'll go. But before I do I wanted you to have this."

Hermione walked behind Tonks, reached around and dumped a photo onto the coffee table. It was a photo of a second year Hermione smiling goofily at the camera, large front teeth and all. "I used to hate those teeth as much as you hate your mark. Before I was Mudblood and Bookworm, I was Gnasher and Beaver. Horrible boys told me that they'll be a loss of tongues if anyone tried to kiss me. Even at Hogwarts I was criticised on it, there was my blood status and bookishness that stopped it being as prevalent. But it wasn't those comments that hurt me, it was _my_ criticisms of it that did the most damage."

Tonks looked at the photo and Hermione knew she was being received. "In fourth year, I had the opportunity to change them. Harry and Draco got into a duel and my 'gnashers' grew even more. Densaugeo. Pomfrey had to shrink them back and I allowed her to reduce them to the average size tooth. That was in the year that my appearance meant most to me, and I wanted to look the best I possibly could've. Looking back on it now, I wish I hadn't done that. Because in the end it wasn't my teeth that won people over, it was who those teeth belong to that I got recognition for. So who you are really can shine brightly for the right people."

Tonks stayed silent so Hermione made her exit. "Anyway, I'm sorry for barging in like this. Have a happy christmas Tonks."

Hermione left her standing over the table and quietly closed the door behind her. Missing the sniffle of evident tears.

An;

FYI Sirius never escaped Azkaban guys, not through preference but because it accompanies a little of Lupins side plot.

Another chapter soon


	3. New Year's Resolution

An; hey guys, structuring my chapters a little different from now on to improve readability...if that's even a word.

1.

It was a hectic night full of happiness and fun, everybody celebrating the new year with the people they care for most. Full of highlights like the Weasley twins, corny music that people couldn't help dancing to, incredible food that never seemed to end. Christmas is almost the appetizer for the wild partying to climax the year on.

Eventually people started disappearing off together, Harry and Ginny being the first to be lost. Then the twins disappearance coincided with Angelina and Alicia's. And Luna and Neville were missing somewhere, although the chance of that affair being anything but innocent is unlikely.

Hermione and Ron were the last to retreat from the outdoors and found a place in the living room. Hermione dropped onto the sofa like lead "this sofa is way too comfortable".

"Yeah" Ron agreed blankly, sitting rather close to Hermione. The brunette closed her eyes and leant her head back. "I'm so tired" she said in a yawn.

"Yeah" Ron responded inching closer. He leaned sideways over her and placed his right arm behind where Hermione's head rested on the sofa. Seeing that he had the opportunity and the surprise advantage he started leaning down to Hermione.

His momentum didn't stop until his lips connected to hers. Her eyes opened and her lips were unmoving. But as her brain recognised what was happening, and her newfound philosophy of being more carefree, she started kissing him back. He deepened the kiss, and rested his arm over Hermione's hip. She reciprocated by entwining her fingers into his hair.

Just as Ron was easing his tongue into Hermione's mouth, the fireplace lit up in green and Lupin's head popped through. His voice making Ron and Hermione separate in a fumble of limbs "Oh, do forgive me"

"L-Lupin, what-what are you doing? Aren't you on duty?" Hermione asked as collectedly as possible.

"I am, but we're in a bit of a pickle. May we come through momentarily?" Lupin asked.

Ron grunted more than granted him permission. Then Lupins head receded back and it was actually Kingsley and...a drunk Tonks that came stumbling through.

"Ha ha" the metamorph cackled as she spotted the two teenagers on the sofa "we gotcha. N-nooone of that leettle kiddies."

Kingsley helped Tonks over to the sofa where Ron and Hermione had relinquished their occupation of prior to their arrival. "How much has she had?" Hermione asked.

"More than she can afford" Kingsley grumbled back.

"I had onne...no two...three. Five, shix, sheven, eight" Then Tonks preceded to start singing. "My boot-scootin' baby is driving me crazy..."

"Bloody hell" Hermione cursed, earning a proud smile from Ron.

Then Lupin came through and Hermione swung around to meet him "what the hell was she thinking?"

Lupin tried to respond but he got interrupted by Tonks singing "...my rodeo Romeo, cowboy god from head to toe..."

"Will someone please shut her up?" Ron pleaded. Kingsley flicked his wand and Tonks slumped into sleep.

Lupin tried again "there was a bit of an incident at the Three Broomsticks. Tonks drunkenly tried to feed someone's beverage to them against their will, they didn't take very kindly. There was a bit of a brawl, somehow she got out unscaved"

"What was she even doing there, on duty?" Hermione berated.

"We have no idea, she was on a different case to us. We got called in to help keep the peace and we found her there" Lupin supplied. "She might have to stay here the night, I'll just let Arthur and Molly know what's happened."

He and Kingsley went to leave and Ron looked hopeful of continuing where he and Hermione left off, but that plan was thwarted when Lupin added before he left "and don't go gallivanting off, I need a private word with Hermione."

Ron huffed and wandered up the stairs, leaving Hermione with Tonks. The brunette fixed her eyes on the now unconscious woman. She calmly walked over and softly sat on the edge of the sofa. The first thing she said to the sleeping girl was "I'm so sorry Tonks".

Whilst Hermione was fed up, she was ever so more annoyed at herself than Tonks. She knew she had caused the turmoil that had set the older witch off tonight. Hermione thought she was trying to help, but she's just ruining Tonks life. Two weeks ago Nympthadora Tonks was enjoying life and drinking down her regular, now she was using it as an outlet to drink herself silly and enabling her to escape the demons Hermione had awakened.

All Hermione had to do was apologize for what happened in the forest and never speak of it again. Tonks was right, it wasn't an issue then so why is it one now? Tonks had clearly found comfort in how she lived, and how she looked, even if it was a false image of herself. Hermione should've understood that more than anyone. Why did she have to interfere?

Hermione watched Tonk's eyelids flutter and her throat gently gulp down air. She saw her pink hair, and her honey skin. Her intricate brows; flamingo lips and the chocolate eyes she knew she'd see if they weren't being hidden. Hermione had said there was nothing wrong with the true Tonks, but there was nothing wrong with this one eirher.

And it was a Tonks that Hermione was familiar with. She met her as this person, had known her for a year as this person. In fact, it would be weird if Tonks started presenting herself as her true form, like getting to know a new person. This version was more Tonks than the version she was born as, and was ashamed of; it was Tonks to the metamorph, and quite frankly Tonks to Hermione.

Lupin caught Hermione off-guard again when he strolled through the door. Hermione dropped Tonks hand, 'at what point did I start holding that' she mentally questioned herself, and stood up.

Lupin smiled warmly "thank you for taking care of her whilst I was gone"

Hermione didn't reply and instead asked "what's gonna happen to her?"

"She'll almost certainly be sacked, if not from being drunk and disorderly then for jeopardising a case. Is that what you were asking about?"

"Well actually I was thinking along the lines of her personal health and wellbeing" Hermione replied solemnly "but that makes me feel worse."

Lupin cupped her shoulder "this wasn't your fault Hermione. Tonks is the master of her body, not you."

"But I drove her to this" nodding in the direction of Tonks sleeping form.

"Because of the photo?" he asked.

'So he knows about that' "Because of all of it. I made Tonk's life a hell hole."

"Why do you think she got drunk tonight?" Lupin was curious to hear her answer.

"Obviously because I've made her self-conscious, and I've brought out things about her she wanted to forget" Hermione replied confidently.

"Hermione, not a day goes by in which Tonks doesn't battle with herself, not until the night you gave her that photo has she ever stopped." Lupin answered.

Hermione was confused "what are you saying?"

"Tonks got drunk tonight because she was angry at herself, for not believing in herself like you showed her she could. It was a punishment for her attitude, and yes maybe it was a bit of a distraction as well."

Hermione furrowed her brows "how do you know that?"

"This isn't the first night where she's been drunk, it's only the first whilst on duty. She has been drinking ever since Christmas to punish herself for being stupid. Don't tell me how backward that is, I'm well aware" he explained. "I'm practically quoting from her drunken monologues, only leaving out the curses and slurs."

Hermione growled in frustration. "She doesn't need to punish herself. She doesn't need to do anything. I was wrong, Tonks is fine the way she is."

"You've changed your tune" Lupin said curiously.

"When you look at her true form and her preferred form, which one do you consider to be Tonks?" Hermione asked him this time.

"I haven't even seen her true form, only you've been witness to it besides her parents" Lupin answered.

"If you had, would you think or feel any differently?" Hermione continued her line of questioning.

"As long as her personality and soul is in tact, I wouldn't be affected in the slightest"

"That's what I thought, but I was wrong. I wouldn't have tried to pressure her so much if I didn't feel or think any differently. I overreacted and made a humiliating experience into a problem" Hermione explained.

"It's been a problem long before you came along, before even I knew of it" Lupin replied plainly.

"I just want her to be happy with herself Lupin. I don't care what version of Tonks she is, I want her to be happy" Hermione didn't even realise she was crying until the coolness touched her cheeks.

Lupin stood there a moment unmoving, then he reached forward and sweeped the young girl into a hug. He held her as she let it all out, his smiling eyes on Tonks. He could see something building between these two, perhaps it already was built but they hadn't recognised it yet. After a disastrous storm of a new year, there might be a silver lining for Tonks.

2.

Tonks guzzled down her breakfast gratefully, everything that would settle her stomach was accepted with open mouth. The cook of the breakfast being Molly Weasley was a luxury.

Tonks was chewing lavishly on a hash brown when Molly Weasley came in with a mug in hand "your coffee Tonks dear".

Tonks put down her knife and fork to reach the mug "Molly, you are a saint."

"It's no problem dear. Is the breakfast okay?"

"It's delicious Molly, I can't thank you enough for everything. I'm so sorry about last night, I swear it'll never happen again."

"Oh Tonks, I accept your apology. It was a wild night for a lot of people, I've got three sons upstairs with hangovers. It happens even to the best at times" Molly reassured her.

"All the same, I should've been more professional"

As Tonks drank a sip of coffee Molly attempted to takeaway her empty plate. Swallowing the coffee, Tonks insisted "no Molly, I can wash this up, it's the least I could do."

"Nonsense. I'm just about to start cleaning up from last night so I might as well take this. You just rest a little longer and enjoy your coffee."

Molly retrieved the plate and left again. Tonks held her mug and cherished it's warmth. Her eyes fluttered shut ar the smell seeping up her nose. With her eyes still closed she took a large gulp, and at the same time a nervous voice spoke up from the door. "Good morning".

Tonks, upon recognising the voice, did two very different things with the mouthful of coffee. Half of it spewed back out and stained her work clothes, the hot liquid nearly scalding her skin through the material. The other half flowed down her air hole, scalding her trachea and sending her into a spluttering cough.

Hermione immediately rushed to assist her; transfiguring a cloth and casting "Anapneo".

Tonks cough subsided but her voice still croaked as she greeted Hermione back. "Wotcher."

Hermione had a worried expression before, but her attempt at light-hearted interaction put her at ease. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Besides from the monstrous hangover, the stained clothes and burnt throat...I'm doing fine" Tonks answered.

Hermione shook her head "what on earth were you playing at?"

Tonks just stared at Hermione. Hermione gulped, then realised how close they were and she pulled away. But not too far.

"Lupin says you might lose your job"

Tonks sighed. "Always the bearer of bad news."

"I'm sure he'll speak up in your defence, even if it doesn't change anything" Hermione tells her.

Tonks was thinking hard and finally revealed "maybe it's a blessing in disguise. I'm not much use to them being unreliable and foolish."

Hermione ducked her head and turned away, her body facing forward "He also told me that you've been getting drunk regularly since I last spoke to you."

Tonks measured Hermione up and down, trying to figure out her feelings through what she could see from her body language. "Did he tell you why?"

Hermione just nodded.

Then Tonks laughed "and this is your reaction. I thought you'd be over the moon that you put me right...well not right but...you know what I me-"

"Contrary to what you think, I don't believe reckless alcohol abuse is AT ALL a correct way to 'put you right'!" Hermione snapped at her. "Furthermore I'm not happy at all that you're making light of this! Especially when I'm sitting here believing I've made your life misery."

Tonks chose confused over retaliation "Are you sure you spoke to Remus?"

"Yes! I sat here for hours listening to him tell me how you've never appreciated who you are, unless you're looking like you do now! He told me you had this revelation from the photo I gave you! It made you think you were stupid so you drunk yourself silly to punish yourself! And to top it off, you are doing all this crap for nothing because I was wrong!"

"What?" Tonks spluttered.

"I was wrong Tonks. I thought you were ignoring me because you didn't want to let me in. You didn't want someone to trick you into changing and destroying your life. What I didn't see was that you didn't want to change because you didn't want others to change. You said it yourself, 'this is the Tonks you want to be'. It's the Tonks I know, the Tonks I'm friends with, why does it matter in the end. And above all, you're happy like this, and I'd much rather you be happy then like last night, or a week ago."

Tonks pinched herself, but alas she really was awake. She sat up properly on the sofa so she was sitting directly beside Hermione. The brunette had looked away again but Tonks lifted her chin and guided her head round to hers.

Then with a wave her glamour charm was removed, her birthmark etched onto her cheek as Hermione remembered it. This was all accompanied with an entire body transformation into her natural form.

Tonks, still holding Hermione's chin, asked her "which one do you prefer?"

Hermione stared at her blankly, not knowing what to do or say. Was Tonks seriously asking this? Tonks must've missed her point completely, it was whatever Tonks felt was best, Hermione didn't come into the equation in her book. But Tonks sat there waiting for an answer.

"I am not going to choose what you should look like Tonks" Hermione said.

"You just said it didn't matter. So choose" the now blonde haired girl told her.

"It's not my body."

"You told me that you chose to have your teeth shortened, you regretted it. You said other people saw you regardless of the teeth, and that you can shine brightly for those people. Did you not say that?"

"Yes, but-"

"How do you see me?" Tonks interrupted. "Like this..."

Tonks morphed again and she was the usual Tonks again "...or this?"

Hermione huffed "people saw me for who I was"

"What am I?" Tonks shrugged back.

"You're not getting it-"

"No, you're not getting it. All I've ever wanted is for people to notice me. And call it shallow if you like, but I don't care who I have to be to get noticed. Not anymore. So which version do you notice Hermione?"

Hermione softly answered "I notice you Tonks, no matter who you are."

Tonks smiled and finally released her. "Then it's me you're going to get. But only when we're alone, I don't want everyone to know quite yet."

Hermione smiled back "It'll be just us, I swear."

AN.

Things to note:

Music wiz's will gun me down if I don't point out that Steps released '5,6,7,8' in 1998, not 96 when this story is set.

Hermione is bisexual, she just doesn't properly understand that yet. That's why she can comfortably kiss Ron one minute and cluelessly long after Tonks the next.

I might not have Remus side plot in mind anymore, but he is definitely a strong side character.

This IS canon compliant, the only difference is Sirius. Harry and the gang get coaxed to the Department of Mysteries via a vision of Voldemort overthrowing the Ministry.

That's all for now.


	4. The Marked Ones

An; Remember when Hermione got hurt at the battle in the department of mysteries, well this doesn't happen in Fifth year. Hermione gets out of that one unscathed. She later gets cursed by Dolohov when the DE's raided Hogwarts and Dumbledore is killed. Just letting you know beforehand so you weren't puzzled throughout the entire chapter.

1.

Hermione woke up in pain and tears. She had been in the infirmary for days now, the pain relief potions never lasted as long as they were supposed to. It hurt to breathe sometimes. Pomfrey told her the longer she slept and remained still the pain would dull; Hermione kept questioning if the healer would lie to her patients. Hermione did not feel consoled or in any less agony.

Hermione ripped the covers off and even that pained her. It was the most pain she'd ever been in. It must've been dark magic; Death Eater exclusive. Hermione couldn't even identify the curse that ripped through her chest, like a knife that burned as it cut.

Hermione had felt the intense pain as soon as she regained consciousness for the first time. Ever since, her search through her intellectual archives was not just rewardless but punishing. Nobody had told her what it was either, perhaps they didn't know themselves. The aurors seemed to have a stormy look when they saw her, they knew enough to know they didn't like what they saw.

But Hermione was most conscious of the heavy wrappings. When she had first seen them she thought they'd be gone in a few days or so, and were only to patch up a simple flesh wound. But her anxiety increased when Pomfrey forbade her from simply fiddling with the material; the healer would come over and rub some magical ointment on her wound, but she'd slip the bandages up from the bottom so that Hermione was still unable to see underneath them. Hermione had these wrappings for five days, still had no idea what exactly the state of her chest was...but if the pain and her treatment was anything to go by Hermione wasn't sure she'd like the answer very much.

But now Hermione was awake and in pain. Pomfrey wasn't anywhere in sight, and once the pain receded enough for Hermione to contemplate action she forcefully began tugging at the bandages. They were incredibly tight and the aggravation of her chest didn't help much either. But eventually her strength and grit won out. A strap fell over her shoulder and the whole right side of her chest was revealed.

Hermione couldn't see in the low light so she retrieved her wand with a wince. Lighting the tip she hovered over her chest and nearly dropped her wand.

It was no simple flesh wound, there wasn't even an incision. But there was a slash of midnight blue, stretching like a vein from the centre of her ribcage to an inch from her collarbone. She rubbed the tip of her wand against the dark line and it pained so much that Hermione's mouth hung open, unable to scream because she was unable to breathe in.

She dropped the wand and the light went out. She no longer had to see it to know it was there, and now she was unable to cover herself back up. 'Well, now I feel much better' Hermione sarcastically thought.

Hermione was trying to forget about her pain, and ignore the part of her worried about the murky trail on her upper breast. She couldn't find a comfortable position to lay before the creaky double doors to the infirmary slowly began opening.

'Oh great, now Madam Pomfrey is going to scald me for the state of my bandaging' Hermione wasn't going to open her eyes so she could watch the nurse's furrowed brow. Maybe she could pretend the wrappings broke during a mid-sleep flail.

But the footsteps weren't nearly as determined or confident as Pomfrey's, neither did they sound as clacky and didn't reverberate as much as they should've. The footsteps were reluctant and soft, like someone trying to sneak in.

Hermione didn't give it much thought, after all she wasn't the only person who got injured from the Death Eater raid on Hogwarts. Five other students occupied one of the infirmary beds likewise to Hermione, and it had initially been more.

But then the footsteps found the foot of her bed. Then two soft and mumbled curses followed; the first in pain following the weird clunking sound (stubbed toe), the second in reaction to seeing Hermione laying with half a chest open.

Suddenly she realised that she wasn't covered up, then realised that a developing asset might be on show, and finally reminded herself that this WASN'T Madam Pomfrey.

Hermione's pretense ended. She sat up sharply, covering her body with the covers. Hermione gasped in mortification, and then at realising that it was Tonks looking over her. Tonks. Could there have been anyone worse to catch her like this?

'Well yes actually' her unhelpful mind told her 'Ron, Professor Snape, Malfoy, You-Know-Who himself...to name a few'. But Hermione knew one reason why Tonks seeing her like this was terribly mortifying.

Well, Tonks has really become sort of a permanent resident in Hermione's average daily thoughts. They wrote to each other every other day, which originated from being once a week. The Christmas period had drama, but that drama had clearly lifted their connection to new heights. Tonks had always enjoyed Hermione's wit and intellect, and her occasional adventurous side, and Hermione enjoyed the Metamorphagus' bubbliness and sense of humour.

But now so much was changing. Their bonds were tighter, their personalities balanced each other out whilst leaving them with little that they could dislike of each other. Tonks found herself excited to see even a glimpse of her, which frustratingly wasn't very much. She was becoming insufferably protective of Hermione, numbering many times that she had overreacted to an injury or hurt feeling. She felt scared, much more than she used to feel. She had something more important to lose now.

Hermione felt much the same. Although she sensed something that was scaring her about it all. And it only increased the more signs she was given. Tonks was changing her, not in personality but in life.

For example, Hermione's favourite colour was no longer periwinkle blue, it's flamingo pink. She sometimes smelled the letters Tonks sends her and embraced the whiff of the peppermints the other girl likes to eat when writing. There are many things that have changed because of Tonks somehow.

But Hermione was most scared when she hadn't realised these things for herself. For instance she apparently said Tonks name so much in casual conversation that her close friends started correctly predicting when and where it would be mentioned. Hermione would simply state a fact but then as she started saying "Tonks told me" or "according to Tonks", one of the others would finish it for her. It was actually annoying them as much as "I read it in Hogwarts: A History" or "I'm going to the library".

The boys were clueless to its meaning. But it was the two other girls who gradually took more notice of Hermione's interactions with Tonks. Luna was more subtle, commenting offhandedly what appeared cryptic only to the people who weren't Hermione. Because she had merely implied in a way only Hermione could understand, calling the blonde out would only make her look paranoid.

Ginny went for the forward but tactful approach. She would watch and listen intently as Hermione regurgitated what Tonks wrote to her, replying with Mhm's and vague comments of understanding. She'd also ask specific questions in a dubious or cautious tone of voice.

'Why would she tell you something like that?' was a very common question. Sometimes if the letter came with a gift or souvenir the redhead would raise an eyebrow but then not say a word. There was no doubt in Hermione's mind that Ginny knew something was going. The questions she asked were most likely rhetorical, perhaps even designed to encourage Hermione to reflect differently on the letters.

Hermione would then change the subject or play dumb. Truthfully Hermione didn't need Luna's cryptic implications or Ginny's suspicious questions; she knew what was happening with her and Tonks. When you're a studious and pro-education girl, you know that when you're silently urging classes to finish so you can finally sit and enjoy a certain someone's writing, you're probably dealing with something seriously life-changing.

And although Hermione had accepted that fact, she still wasn't completely okay with it. To rephrase it better, she'd say that what it was made her happy and it left her longing, however she wasn't satisfied with how fast this dynamic had changed. Was the process of...falling in love, supposed to be this quick? The Christmas period was five months ago, had it started then?

'No' she'd tell herself honestly one night 'there was something before that wasn't there?' She knew she had admired the older witch for a long time, perhaps since she first met her. This could not be construed as attraction, but could she honestly say that there wasn't any of that either?

Hermione had thought long and hard, trying to remember if she could pinpoint any moments where she thought even the slightest degree past platonism. But because she had to think so hard, she concluded that if she could pick out a moment it would not have been too hard to remember. The only time Hermione noticed a change in herself regarding Tonks was that day in the forest. She couldn't pinpoint what it was exactly but these feelings stemmed from it.

So on record there has been just under five months of built-up attraction that has only increased the more they wrote to each other. Hermione was almost certain that Tonks felt the same way, because if a schoolgirl was thought crazy to share so much correspondence with a love interest, what did that say about a grown female adult that corresponded back just as enthusiastically.

That was another problem though, the age difference. Yes, it was only seven years difference, and yes Hermione was of a legal age. Hermione hadn't a problem with it, she can date whomever she wants no matter how older they are than her (although she downright supported that there was such a thing as too old).

But society wasn't molded by what Hermione thought. Adult person in a trusted position of authority courts a barely of age teenage girl. That wouldn't go down very well in the Muggle world; she couldn't contemplate how that translated into wizard society.

Hermione could come to terms with the speed of this development, no question. She could easily accept the age difference and fight the fire that might be sent her way as a result. But there was one final, crippling fear that Hermione had. Which version of Tonks was she so enamoured with?

Hermione found the whole idea confusing for a start. No matter how ridiculous she might think it, what definitely resonated with her was the knowledge of two people with the same personality and qualities, but looking completely different from each other. When it literally came down to only appearance there has to be a preference of one over the other. Or was it possible to be attracted to two people, who were technically the same person? Can you see how confused Hermione felt? Who was she attracted to most?

The fear is not based on Hermione's answer primarily, it's more inclined to how her answer affects Tonks. Would Tonks understand why Hermione may feel attracted to her pink-haired body that she knew so well? Would she feel self-conscious again because Hermione may very well see more beauty in her fake form than her true one? Hermione didn't even know which version she was attracted to. To her Tonks was Tonks as simply as Harry was Harry, or Ron was Ron. But attraction only has one winner, and she knew there was only one in this scenario. The problem was working out which, and if Tonks would feel okay with her choice.

So on one hand you have her preferred form. A form Hermione has become very familiar with. The form that everyone else sees as well as her. Absolutely no imperfection to her appearance whatsoever. On paper this should win, however two years of knowing this form brought no significant evidence of romantic interest until five months ago.

And on the other hand, those five months is also the same time that her true form was revealed to her. The form only she knows. Had she not seen this form she knows she wouldn't be having these feelings at all, because she would never have gone through the dramatic Christmas holiday that they were both victims to. The holidays in which the roots of these feelings could be traced back to. Surely all that counted for something.

A few of these fears came back as the two girls stared at each other. One from the bed and the other at the foot of it. Hermione stared at Tonks troubled eyes, which was staring at her revealed chest.

The older girls gaze was innocent (mostly), she was only really concerned with a glimpse of the jagged line of purply-black that peaked out from the edge of the covers to the younger girls collar. But Hermione unknowingly labelled the look as lustful and quickly began objecting...despite how warm she felt in return.

"My eyes are here Tonks"

The older witch looked back at Hermione and finally registered what this must look like. "Oh, sorry. It wasn't...I didn't...I wasn't-"

"-ogling my chest" Hermione finished sternly.

"No, absolutely not."

Hermione couldn't stay mad for long, after all it was her fault that her chest was revealed in the first place. And there was that warm feeling that she kind of liked. But above all it was Tonks. She hadn't seen her for months and she wasn't about to let her embarrassment ruin this rare moment. "It's good to see you Tonks."

Tonks relaxed and smiled. "It's good to see you too. For the record I would've preferred seeing you anywhere other than the hospital wing, and under certain circumstances."

Hermione realised stupidly that of course this wasn't a casual visit. Tonks wouldn't be here if it wasn't to do with auror or Order business. "I heard...I heard Dumbledore..."

Tonks grimly nodded. "Albus is dead. Killed by Snape in the astronomy tower. Harry saw it all. His funeral is in a few days."

Hermione still sighed sadly despite already fearing the overheard information to be true. "So...why are you here? Not that I don't like you being here but I know you're not here just to see me."

Tonks finally came round the foot of her bed and sat beside Hermione. "We can't rule out any further raids. The vanishing cabinet has been removed from Hogwarts grounds and the protective wards are still up, but we can't be entirely sure that some Death Eater isn't hiding out somewhere. The Order and the DMLE have been searching the castle and grounds all week."

Hermione nodded understandingly. Then she stared down at her covers awkwardly. It was quite ridiculous how vocal these two could be in their letters but face-to-face could barely utter a word.

"I'm going to kill Dolohov" Tonks said plainly.

Hermione surveyed Tonks expression, seeing the quiet anger boiling under the skin. Hermione supplied "It was my fault Tonks. I barely had my wand out, they just burst into the common room and I happened to be the very first person they saw as they entered. I was too slow."

Tonks shook her head "I had to see what he did to you. When I heard Dawlish tell me-"

"Tonks I'm fine. Madam Pomfrey says the pain will ease by the end of the week" Hermione assured.

Tonk's head snaps round to glower at her "that isn't the point! He could've killed you!"

Hermione almost laughed but refrained from doing so "I'm pretty sure that wasn't far from his intentions Tonks".

Tonks raked a hand through her hair "I know I should be grateful that he didn't, that would be far worse obviously. But why that curse?"

"Yeah...I haven't been told whay it was. Do you know?" Hermione asked.

Tonks didn't answer but tugged her covers lightly, asking permission with her eyes. Hermione realised she wanted to see the wound so allowed her to lower the covers to see. She felt bad now that she'd chastised her for staring earlier, obviously it had been purely innocent.

Tonks eyes grew immediately wet and she released a whimper. Hermione grew even more fearful of the nature of the wound, if Tonks was beside herself about it then it must be serious. "He's a monster".

"What is it?" Hermione urged.

"You're so lucky to be alive Hermione. He missed your vital organs; it wasn't quite deep enough to rupture your lung, and it was on the right side of your chest so he missed your heart." Tonks analysed with a tremble.

Hermione hadn't even registered that thought. She knew it wasn't an ordinary curse but she just thought it bruised her. She didn't think that it _actually_ caused internal damage, although it made sense how it was slightly hard to breathe and it had felt like a blade injury rather than an impact one.

"Hermione, if this wound was a centimetre deeper or on the left side of your chest, you would not be talking to me right now" Tonks seriously informed. But the older girl wasn't done, Hermione saw her rake another hand through her hair.

Hermione had to admit she was not enjoying how Tonks wasn't pulling any punches, but perhaps not doing so would diminish the severity of what's happened.

Tonks urgently asked her "what do you think this is Hermione?" She indicated to the dark line but ensuring to never touch it.

"I initially thought he used a spell that simulated a whip-like effect. But if you're telling me it damages the inside of my body then it's some sort of cutting or burn curse" Hermione theorised.

Tonks looked deep into Hermione's eyes as she replied "I wish it was that simple".

Hermione's annoyance was marinated in fear. "I would prefer if you skipped the dramatics Tonks, and fast forward to the part where you're telling me what the hell this is!"

Hermione's ire cooled, but her fear only increased. Tonks comfortingly took her hand.

"I don't think Dolohov meant to kill you, otherwise he would've. Death Eaters aren't just psychotic maniacs who do unpredictable things. They are trained duellists and tacticians, they are calculated, and ninety percent of the time when a curse hits someone it does exactly what they intended it to."

"Then what did he intend to do?" Hermione asked in a small voice.

Tonks gaze was either directed at Hermione or at the line in her chest. "To mark you for life. To perhaps make you undesirable, so no person could want you."

"So...this is permanent?" Hermione worriedly responded.

Tonks nodded. "The blackness is dark magic, that's still in your body. We can break the skin so the magic can be drained. Whilst it will be agony to endure the operation, the pain will be gone completely once it's over. But the damage will always be there, that's incurable."

Hermione peered down at her chest, traced it as it bobbled over her skin. It passed directly over her swelling bosom, a bosom that had grown quite well in the last year or so, and promised more. She had been proud of these breasts but now they had been ruined forever.

Hermione was on the opposite end of the vanity spectrum. But she has to feel confident in the assets she has. She regretted shrinking her teeth yes, they had always been healthy teeth but overshadowed by how oversized her incisors were. Whilst it was an unnecessary change, it was confidence boosting as well. No one could call her buck-toothed now, if they ever got tired of calling her other unsavoury names.

Her breasts were natural changes, a development that happened without Hermione influencing them. And it became a good asset. Hermione always prioritized her inner self to her physical body, but it takes time and people getting to know her in order for those assets to become recognition. A decent rack was something that gets recognition within first glance.

Hermione wasn't trying to advertise herself, she didn't want boys or girls drooling over her day and night. She only wanted one person to notice her. And it was as Hermione looked at this person, with concern in their eyes and hatred at the man who caused this, that she realised Dolohov hadn't ruined everything. He was too late in stopping people from noticing her, Tonks had long before Dolohov cursed her.

"Tonks..." Hermione began.

"Yes Mione" Tonks was the latest inductee into the Mione club, a very prestigious club that Hermione doesn't take lightly.

Hermione squeezed the older witch's hand "you really are a drama queen, do you know that?"

Tonks didn't take offense at the playful jibe "so what, sue me".

Hermione became serious again "I appreciate that yes, he could've killed me and quite frankly you can't pretend that was what you were less afraid about, than my scarred body. Secondly, this didn't bother me anywhere near as it bothered you." She pointed at her chest before continuing "this is not going to dishearten me in the slightest. Dolohov wasted his energy and his plan failed, he will wish he did kill me."

Tonks had a skeptical look on her face "had that been on your face, would that have changed how you feel?"

Hermione confidently shook her head, well aware why Tonks was asking.

"But you can hide it where it is now, only a handful of people will ever know about it" Tonks informed.

"Even less people know about you. You have the choice Tonks, it's always been open. By not being ashamed of this, maybe I can influence your choice, or maybe not. It's up to you Tonks." Hermione encouraged.

Tonks pouted grumpily "I was really looking forward to cheering you up, and now you go and turn the tables."

This seemed to kick-start the moment. Together they were able to filter out the negativity and pull in all the excitement they've only really shared over letters.

They talked all through the night just laughing and enjoying each others company, until Madam Pomfrey practically had to shove Tonks out the doors. Hermione laid back with a smile, forgetting the pain she felt so agonising a few hours prior.

An.

Hope you enjoyed. Do let me know if you think this chapter went away on too many tangents but I thought I'd compensate with only having one long scene.


	5. One Wedding And A Farewell

1.

Remus just managed to swipe the whiskey glass from Tonks slack hand, just before she was able to put lips to rim. He had opened his bedroom door just in time to see her melancholically lift the glass; to be honest he wasn't sure if he wasn't influenced magically in that moment, as he appeared to reach her far quicker than he expected.

"Arse" she said grumpily.

Remus didn't want to waste perfectly good and expensive firewhiskey, so he just held the glass and the bottle out of the reach of Tonks. "I was soft with you after new year's, we all do things we regret on new year's. But a wedding Tonks, Fleur and Bill's wedding, before the ceremony; absolutely no way."

"I'm not going, so hand me back the whiskey and I won't embarrass anyone" Tonks replied, making a few grabs at Remus' arms. They were too strong so Tonks just thumped him in frustration.

"You are going to this wedding Tonks if I have to tie you up and drag you, if you are as decent a person I know you to be we won't have to resort to that."

"Oh, you can sod off anall" she spat moving to the sofa and petulantly laying there.

Remus was looking rather 'dapper' as the Muggles say. Black on the cotton polyester jacket with golden stripes and gold trim. His tie contrasted with gold as it's base and black stripes. His shirt almost blindingly white.

Tonks did not look so great in fluffy purple pajama bottoms and a white and pink tanktop.

"What are you wearing Nymphadora?" Remus disapprovingly enquired.

"I am wearing what I'm wearing Remus, and don't call me Nymphadora" she sardonically answered.

"Get ready and do it quick. We have half an hour" He said as if the matter was settled.

"Feel free to dress me if you like Remus, I'm not moving from this sofa" Tonks replied.

He came over and sat on the coffee table in front of the sofa. She didn't acknowledge the action at all, she just stared defiantly through the floor. Remus warmly said "don't you at least want to see her. The moments with the people we care about might seem to be easily taken for granted, but in a war we can't afford to let them slip away."

"She's made it perfectly clear what she wants...that being nothing to do with me" she sourly responded.

"Does she? Has she actually said those words to you?"

Tonks frowned "she hasn't spoken to me since the end of term, through letters or in person, actively choosing to ignore me. She doesn't bleeding need to say it."

"We're all going through a lot Nym. Has it occurred to you that there might be a problem, and that's she's too proud to admit it?" Remus suggested.

"A problem? We've shared intimate details with each other, some couples know less about their partners than we do as friends. What can she not confide in me about?"

"She's a complicated girl, the entire trio are complicated people. But think about how far you two were getting, would that girl ever not tell you something if not for a very good reason? I'm not saying that's going to change today, but it might. You've got to at least make the effort, even if she won't"

Tonks didn't respond, didn't even react to signify any evidence of contemplation, but somehow Remus knew she was thinking about it.

Remus sighed "If you want to stay here you can, I'll use the excuse that you're not feeling too well. If you change your mind you know where we'll be. I'm trusting you with the whiskey but I really don't want to see you like this Tonks. Corner her and force the issue if you must, deep down we both know you're going to be there if she is."

With a warm parting Remus was out the door, leaving a very still Tonks staring into nothing.

2.

Hermione was pretty much finished with her outfit. Her beautiful red dress that clung to her body well, she'd certainly get some wolf-whistles today, not that that was the reason for her wearing it.

She had finished dressing herself and applied the correct amount of make-up, thirty minutes later and she still hadn't got the courage to leave. She was twirling her glittery black rose hairpiece whilst she despondently looked at herself in the mirror.

In reality she had been so hollow so far during the time of the holidays. She missed Tonks more than a loss of a limb. All of her own doing. Hermione had been released one day from the hospital wing and because of one heart-wrenching decision she had been miserable ever since.

On that day she, along with Ron, decided they'd go to the ends of earth itself with Harru to find these horcruxes and destroy them. It was a mission that was only for three, and it meant those that they left behind would need protecting. This, begrudgingly, was Hermione's way of protecting Tonks. If Hermione acted as cold and careless as possible with Tonks then no Death Eater would single her out.

Even though they were only friends, and not many people knew too much about this dynamic between them, Hermione was certain that more than a few suspicions of something more was shared out there. Mostly by close friends and trusted elders, but if _they_ could read into them so can people who don't fall under those categories.

Hermione wasn't going to take the chance of Tonks safety being threatened, no matter how much it killed her she had to push Tonks away. She just prayed that if they both survived the war Tonks would realise that and forgive her.

The way Tonks eyes shifted from confused to hurt, to miserable and then to clear anger; it all suggested that her hopes were incredibly fruitless.

Hermione was hurting in double extremes. Sending her parents away with new identities and no memory of their daughter, apparently wasn't enough love to destroy. She had to quite possibly destroy the love Tonks had for her just so she was slightly less in danger.

Hermione hoped she saw her tonight...that one last time.

"Hermione, it's almost time to take our seats, what's taking so long?" Ginny asked with a rap on the door.

Hermione quickly finished fiddling and fastened the black rose into her hair. She responded with "I, er, smudged my eyeliner...had to redo it."

"Use your damn magic girl" the redhead teased "I'll be waiting in the hall."

Hermione listened to her quiet steps getting ever quieter. She looked back into the mirror and sucked in a huge breath. Then she turned round and followed behind the younger girl.

3.

There wasn't much time to introduce herself to the mass numbers in attendance. They were quickly herded to their seats, Hermione's space on the far left; two rows in, two seats to the end. Ron occupied the seat to her left and Harry to the right.

From this angle they couldn't exactly see much. A neck will be sore, highlighted by Hermione breaking up casual conversation to repeatedly achieve a few seconds of monitoring the entrance. Hermione would engage the conversation again with the boys, but she was never really not distracted with anxiously waiting for that beautifully distinctive head of hair to stagger through the tent flap.

Ron picked up on Hermione's anxiety and started joking with Harry about girls fascination with wedding dresses. Hermione would've turned back to him with a jibe of her own, but then she saw Lupin.

Her eyes widened in hope, waiting to see if Tonks would follow close behind him. Lupin was momentarily drawn into a greeting with Dawlish and Kingsley, and the longer that he stood there talking without a certain companion with him, the more Hermione grew uncertain.

His gaze briefly met Hermione's and revealed nothing. No warmth, no coldness, just pure recognition. His gaze broke as quickly as it connected with hers, Hermione didn't know very much more than she had before. But the one thing she did know was that Tonks was running it very close.

Ten minutes passed, almost all the seats were occupied and Bill was whispering into the ears of his father and best man Charlie. Fleur was minutes away from making her entrance, and Tonks still hadn't made hers.

"I wonder where Tonks is?" Harry said from beside her. The audible click of her neck signified Hermione's sharp twist in his direction. "She'll be here." She knew she was only trying to persuade herself of that fact.

"She's gonna miss it. Look Ginny and Gabrielle are coming now." Hermione also saw what Ron was reporting. The bridesmaids were here and in a few moments so would Fleur be with her father in arm.

Hermione's heart withered when she finally conceded that Tonks wasn't coming.

4.

The reception was full of grand celebration, a welcome distraction from the horridness of a wizarding war. Everyone was enjoying themselves as if their lives would never experience this joy again.

Everyone except Hermione.

Hermione found the furthest chair at the furthest table and sat there with an untouched cup of punch in hand. She looked like a Dementor's artwork, completely empty. Her friends grew increasingly worried for her, particularly Ron and Harry (although they had the complete wrong end of the stick for the reason).

Hermione would be approached multiple times. Repeated questions of 'are you alright?' left ignored, offerings of food and other beverages she did not take, casual conversation starters that never got going. Eventually everyone just decided to leave her to her thoughts, praying that she could work through it and start enjoying herself.

Hermione didn't feel bad that she was blatantly ignorant. She didn't feel bad that she was casting a depressive shadow over the celebration. She didn't feel bad that she hadn't congratulated Fleur or Bill on their new marriage. Because she really didn't have any more room for sorrow.

She already felt bad that she hadn't told Tonks of her feelings when she had the chance. She felt bad that she's breaking both their hearts. She felt bad that she had become so cold-hearted in which this war demanded in exchange for a more likely chance of victory. She was sorry for all the sacrifices she had to make. So you'd have to forgive her if she hadn't enough capacity to be sorry about much else.

"I normally wouldn't recommend this but in this case drinking that wouldn't be the worst idea in the world" Lupin spoke as he fell into a chair opposite her. Like those before him he was ignored but because he knew of her distress, and was closest to the person at the centre of her turmoil, he knew he'd eventually break through. "I'm as surprised as you are, I fully believed she'd be here eventually."

Hermione just spun the cup of punch on the table as if hypnotised by it.

Lupun cooly added "if only others knew, what would they be thinking right now? After all you ignore the girl for over a month, and then act like this when she doesn't show. It doesn't look good does it?"

Hermione's fingers crooking on the cup is the only indication that she heard him.

Lupin took on a harsher tone, and not just because it was a different approach. Whilst Tonks was being childish at least she wasn't the one in the wrong, the one that plays with people's feelings. "You know as smart as you are, I've never seen someone act so dim as you. Why is it you that gets to feel sorry for herself? Who's the one who is most hurt by all this? Is it _really_ you?"

Hermione's eyes were beginning to flame. 'Good' Lupin thought 'we're getting somewhere'. "You know exactly where she is, you clearly don't want to be here so why are you? Why am I even here speaking to you?"

Hermione finally spoke, despite how low and quiet it sounded. "I can't...I can't go"

"You can't or you won't?"

Hermione fell back into silence again.

"What is this about? Enlighten me" Lupin enquired. "If you expect me to believe things change just like that then you're fooling the wrong person."

He thought Hermione was going to leave that unanswered but she replied in a similar voice as before "she's safer this way".

Lupin frowned "is anyone safe in this war?"

Hermione looked around, clearly checking to see who may be listening in. Lupin muttered and they were now in a bubble, unable to be heard clearly from the outside.

Hermione realised this and began explaining "if people know that I...I love her, then 'they' will find out. She becomes a target. It has to be this way because...what I'm part of, she can't be."

Lupin raised his eyebrows "so this is something to do with you, Harry and Ron? Dumbledore told me that Harry is our only hope, which must mean he's planning something, and you are a part of it."

Hermione elaborated "I can't put Tonks at risk. I've already sent my parents away for their own safety, and now I'm breaking Tonk's heart because at least then...she has a much better chance of surviving."

"Why do you need to break her heart to do that?"

Hermione swallowed a lump "because I don't want to explain to her I might never see her again."

Lupin finally understood and his sympathetic eyes watched Hermione tear up and fall back into silence. Lupin took her by surprise by requesting "care to dance?"

Hermione became immediately surprised and flabberghasted, she barely had a response on her lips before Lupin was pulling her out of the chair and coaxing her onto the dance floor.

Hermione was soon held quite strongly but gentlemanly, and her awkward stance was that ever more profound. It was a slow song in which Lupin choreographed Hermione into a foxtrot. Hermione was actually surprised by how good a dancer he was.

After a solid few minutes Lupin started to speak "you are a very mature girl Hermione, but you have a very important lesson to learn in order to become a mature woman."

He stopped so Hermione could focus on her footwork as he pivoted round. "Your fear of never seeing Tonks again, it doesn't go away as easily as you push her away. You'll be out on your mission and thinking back on this moment, you will be regretting this far worse than you are now. If you don't see Tonks again, then one of you dies with a love that was never shared. If you both survive she may never forgive you and you lose a love that was never shared. You lose altogether."

Hermione clung on to him and it became more difficult for him to guide her. They stopped in the middle of the dance floor and the dance became a hug. "No matter what you may think otherwise, you are making a huge mistake by not telling her. So tell her before it's too late."

Hermione promised to him from her position on his broad shoulder, chin digging in. She was just about to ask him to accompany her outside to where she could apparate when a probing instinct told her to open her eyes.

She was mighty glad she did. Wearing a black dress and oak brown hair replacing her usual bubblegum, Tonks stood at the entrance of the tent as nervous as hell.

She hadn't found Hermione yet (knowing exactly that that is who she was looking for) so stood there scanning the room. Hermione separated from Lupin, trying to make herself easier to find. Lupin already seemed to notice the change of events without even looking round, he didn't even excuse himself as he disappeared into the crowd.

Tonks found Hermione staring back at her and blushed. Hermione felt so happy to see her but was in so much surprise and nervousness. She wanted to run to her yet stay rooted to the spot. The latter won out.

Tonks broke the staredown first and moved her way around conversing guests, between tables and sashaying around dancing couples. She stopped again three feet away and another mini-staredown began, but Hermione had finally regained her ability to move. In a blur she wrapped her arms around Tonk's neck and clung tight, never wanting to let go.

Tonks embraced her back quickly and burrowed her nose into Hermione's sleak brown hair, a combination of cuteness and a way of hiding her wet eyes. Hermione had no such qualms, allowing her tear trails to smudge her make-up.

Hermione whispered into Tonk's ear "I'm sorry".

Tonks didn't say anything. She just unravelled Hermione's arm from her neck and held her hands. "Would you like a dance?"

Hermione noticed that Tonks instantly began to mentally berate herself for messing up that line, but the fact that it was such a sweet gesture following a typical Tonks comment that warmed her heart so, it only brought an amused and loving smile. Hermione took up a dancing position, her hands at the right places on Tonks body.

This spurred the metamorph on. Considering Tonk's weakness of the clumsy kind, she danced quite elegantly. Hermione felt drunk on happiness as she followed Tonk's lead.

It was unnatural and impossible for Hermione to not get lost in this safe haven, where even time couldn't interfere. It was natural for her hands to circle the nape of Tonks as a slower paced song began. It was natural for her face to be inches from Tonks' own, deliberately keeping the distance and staring meaningfully into eyes staring right back into hers.

Hermione whimpered when the song finished and rested her cheek on the older girl's shoulder. Tonks clutched her back and smiled with her cheek resting on the younger girl's head.

The next song had a punchy rhythm and Hermione felt herself swelling with laughter. Tonks saw the amusement too. She broke the hold and took a step back.

It wasn't THE song, but it sounded just like it but without the lyrics.

Tonks pretended to hold a hat to her chest "Now Miss Hermione maam, will you give me the honour of being your rodeo Romeo?"

Hermione laughed and replied "I would be delighted sir".

4.

Hermione really felt the ache from all the emotional baggage and all the muscles she worked trying to keep up with Tonks on the dance floor. No wonder Tonks used to be an auror, she had a very fit body.

So it wasn't a surprise that she found herself falling asleep on the shoulder of her dance partner, the pair watching the stars on their backs. They were alone and as far from the ongoing party as possible without being too far for people to find them.

Tonks was still very much troubled "were you ever going to tell me?"

This was on the back end of Hermione explaining to Tonks the trio's mission and why she felt she had to push Tonks away in order to save her. Hermione's voice was heavily dosed with guilt. "Not at first, not until Lupin spoke to me earlier. We were, and still are, planning to leave after the wedding."

When Tonks didn't respond Hermione lifted her head from where it rested to meet the older girl's eyes. "Are you angry with me?"

Tonks shook her head "no, I understand completely why you did it. But that doesn't stop me being disappointed."

"I know. I made a big mistake. I was scared and reckless; I just can't bear losing you." Hermione hated how illogical that sounded, it was so not like her. That's what this war has done to her.

Tonks sighed. "If I'd never turned up tonight..."

"I would've apparated to your apartment and bashed your door in. You can thank Lupin later, but there was also no way on this earth that I would be leaving you behind without seeing you one last time" Hermione firmly assured.

Tonks got glassy-eyed, forcing herself to close them with a frown. "I really don't like this. Why can't I come? Why won't you let me help?"

Hermione rested her forehead to Tonk's own "I could not bare to watch you die, and I know it's same for you. It might not seem like it but it's safer with less numbers; makes us harder to be found."

"What about my morph ability? That might come in handy"

"Hardly. They don't care what the extra one looks like, they'll be satisfied with the three. We can't all be the same person, even with Polyjuice we'd have to brew it and consume it at the right time. We won't have easy access to ingredients and it's just too risky in general."

Tonks was silent again before asking softly "where will you go?"

"I can't tell you that. If you don't know and for some horrific reason you get interrogated then they won't get anything no matter what they try" Hermione apologetically explained.

Tonks fear was contagious, especially after responding and breaking another short moment of silence with "why do I feel like I'm saying more than goodbye?"

Hermione nuzzled into Tonk's neck and was too afraid herself to give a determined answer. But as the thought of this moment possibly being their last, there came a bout of courage.

Hermione softly pulled at Tonk's hands until she was sitting up and herself was on her knees. Cupping Tonk's face softly, Hermione ordered "I want to see you."

Tonks understood what she meant, and after ensuring they were still alone she began to morph. Brown became blonde, tea-coloured skin became cream and full hot pink lips became thinner.

Hermione's fingers played on her right cheek. "All of you."

Tonks was more hesitant but did as she was told, bearing her mark for only Hermione to see. The brunette traced it with her forefinger. Tonk's felt halfway between uncomfortable and preparing to swoon.

Then Hermione said "beautiful. Both of you are beautiful."

Tonks didn't have time to contemplate an answer because she was too busy contemplating how soft, warm and addictive Hermione's lips felt on hers, even if it was only brief.

Hermione smiled in satisfaction and simply stated "I'll use that whenever I need a reason to produce a patronus, or to reminisce when I feel at my worst."

Hermione tried to lay her head on Tonks shoulder, but the metamorphs hand prevented her cheek from doing so. Seeing the questioning look Tonks defiantly glared. "No way."

Then it was Hermione on her back with Tonks pinning her with her own body. She added "if this is our last moment together, then I'm not allowing whatever kind of kiss that was as to be our first. I'll give you something to remember."

Then she vigourously showed her what a real kiss was like.

Hermione nearly fainted at the intensity of it. It completely blew her mind. The passion just provided endless gears with each passing moment. The kiss began with tenderness but became ravenous. It wasn't just lip-on-lip or even tongue, it was the entire face at work. Fluttering eyes, rolling jaws, the scraping of teeth, the tilting of necks, the nose bumps. It was like that first time you got drunk but without the bad consequences and regrets, something where you were taken deeper and deeper into something, never wanting to stop.

The liplock with Ron (from what felt like an enternity ago) gave her a small thrill and an ebbing to a curiosity. But this was like comparing chalk to cheese. Hermione didn't even notice her arms enclosed over Tonk's shoulders and her fingers threaded into the light gold locks she found there. She didn't need to think of what she wanted, she was doing what she wanted with Tonks before she realised she was doing it.

Tonks had one hand at Hermione's hip and her other one doing relays on her raised thigh. This kiss wasn't a goodbye kiss, and Hermione supposed that is why it was infinitely better.

The spell was broken when they both heard screams coming from a distance. Both girls untangled and stood up, wands at the ready. As predicted the apparent danger was coming from the tent, and sounds of apparating could be heard.

They made a beeline for the party gone sour, matching each others breakneck speed. Tonks had already concealed her mark and morphed by the time they back on the scene. In no time they had found the opening and stormed in together.

They got separated in the chaos of people trying to find their loved ones, Tonk's first thought was to protect. Ensuring that any injured were being aided and the immediate danger was under control, it was a long while before Tonks found herself looking for the familiar sight of brown hair.

Not finding her, or a sign of the two best friends of hers, Tonks felt her gut drop and her heart spasm.

Hermione was gone.

An.

Hope this was satisfying for you as it was me.

Also I'm sure you've noticed how I variate with the use of Remus Lupin's name. I use Remus in scenes where it's him and Tonks because it's more familiar to them both, and it feels right to use the character's perception rather than the authors. Same reason why it's Lupin when it's Hermione.

There are only two or three chapters to go until this story is done. I desperately needed a little mini-series because 100K epics are exhausting.

See ya'll, and don't forget to boot-scroot on the way out.


	6. May Day

1.

In Tonk's mind, this was how everything was meant to go:

Hermione leaves to help save the world, Tonks pines but pridefully waits for her return. Hermione risks her life so that Tonks and every decent individual may enjoy the fruits of her hard work. Hermione would return sooner than expected; an ordinary witch she was not, ordinary two wizards and a witch would take years and still may fail to return. Hermione WOULD return, it was the highest expectation that Tonks cared about, successful or not. And lastly Tonks had to uphold her end of the bargain, to aide Hermione by staying low away from danger.

That was a tough thing to ask when you're already a known enemy of the Dark Lord's, and harness a natural instinct to immerse herself into a cause. Put close relationship with a top three undesirable on top of those and you've practically made Tonks undesirable number four. That's why she didn't oppose the withdrawal from Order operations, that's why she didn't put up a fight when she was encouraged to move out of her apartment, that's why she begrudgingly let Remus do everything that involved venturing into public places or out in the open.

Those were the expectations, but that doesn't mean there wasn't any problems. And the problem was Tonk's mind. She was literally itching to get out and find the three teenagers, wherever they were.

Tonks wasn't a Metamorphagus who happened to be a former Order member and auror. Tonks was a former Order member and auror with morphing abilities. Tonks was an extraordinarily capable witch, one of the strongest female witches of her generation. The late Moody's own words. Even Remus regularly labelled Tonks a long lost Gryffindor. They don't say this for nothing, and Tonks believed it too.

Hermione wouldn't be the girl Tonks loved so dearly if she wasn't absolutely brilliant, capable of anything. The witch could make a better auror than Tonks had ever been in a few years to come. But at the young age of eighteen, with a couple of years of basic defense training; Hermione was not at the level to be getting into death-inflicting duels. It hadn't even been a full year since the last time Hermione was in one, and she was permanently scarred for life because of it. She needed Tonks.

Ron tries, bless the boy, but he's never really going to be better than the other two at magic. And Harry wasn't indestructible, and did a better job of attracting danger than repelling it.

Remus understood this, that's why he went and found the three teenagers (forgoing a mention of this to Tonks until long after his return) to convince them that one professionally trained person would help them to be more protected and complete their objectives faster. But they were having none of it.

Stubborn idiots. The three of them.

How did it come to students doing an aurors job, and aurors to be detained in their homes? And this is what Tonks was struggling with. She now resided with Bill and Fleur at Shell Cottage, and it had become somewhat of a game to try and stop the pink-haired woman in her increasingly creative means of escape. And on a few occasions she succeeded, but it wasn't thirty feet before Tonks pictured a disappointed brunette admonishing her about breaking promises and not trusting in her. Tonks would always go back to the cottage but an hour would pass and she'd want to leave again.

After a while Bill and Fleur put less effort into stopping her, outright knowing that she'd be back in seconds. One day they did nothing. Bill would not even pause in his reading of the Daily Prophet, nor would Fleur take her attention away from filing her nails, all whilst Tonks clattered and banged on her way out.

It was when Tonks returned that time, and seeing them exactly how they'd been when she left; she came to realise that impatience would always lose to her loyalty to Hermione.

Then Tonks went from physically hyperactive to the body mobility of a sloth. If she wasn't allowed to do much of everything, then she wasn't _going_ to do much of anything. The deliberate ignorance of logical reasoning was unappreciated by Fleur who now practically babysat the former auror, and likely babysitting a less mature individual than that wordsake suggested.

It was sad and pathetic, even in Tonk's book, but it didn't matter. Nothing Tonks did mattered if Hermione was out there everyday fighting Snatchers and Death Eaters everyday. There was no relief in waking up and not seeing Hermione's name in the obituary, or likelier her face underneath headlines. Tonks just plainly no longer read the paper, it just encouraged the uncomfortable feeling that someday she would see Hermione's name.

Tonks experienced her first Christmas since this emotion storm started with Hermione, _without_ Hermione. The half year of love, ruined by a year of misery. And as the months continued to be Hermione absent, another piece of Tonks soul was weathered away.

And don't get Tonks started on Ron Bilius Weasley. Seeing his miserable face strolling down the path, all alone, telling everyone how he stupidly ran away from the other two and couldn't find his way back. Everyone was irate about that, but nothing compared to Tonk's reaction.

Needless to say, Ron and Tonks were unable to be in the same room together during his entire month stay.

Tonk's birthday passed miserably. Then Valentine's day. Then Easter. With each passing moment Tonks became increasingly lower in morale, the antidote to her natural bubbliness and good-nature. Even Remus couldn't get through to her, that fact alone took a toll on him.

Tonks may have been near-clinically depressed, but Tonks would take that over the emotional strain she would encounter one morning in late April.

It started with a mope and a grunt of welcome in Fleur's direction as she stumbled into the kitchen. Eleven o'clock was three hours after the breakfast hour, so Tonks had to make the most out of some butter, jam and a couple of scones. Even so the Metamorph scarcely had an appetite these days so only a third of one scone was consumed.

Tonks was staring into her black coffee sightlessly when a series of things happened. Firstly a buzz in the air signalling an unauthorized apparation onto the premises. But it could've been the Dark Lord himself and Tonks would stay, forcing the snake-faced maniac to come in and try to interrupt her brooding.

That was just bitterness talking though because Tonks very much took this new occurence very seriously. Her ears perked awaiting clear sounds of danger.

Relatively distant wails that peaked her concern, encouraging her to leave her chair. She just prayed it was a misunderstanding, like an injured seagull or a unique sound of wind in the rafters.

Tonks just finished wrapping up when a ruffled and panicky Bill clattered through the door. "Tonks, come quickly!"

"I know. I've gotta hide right, or attempt an escape whilst you risk your lives for me? I hear you loud and clear" Tonks grumbled as she made for the door leading in the opposite direction to the suspected threat.

"No, Tonks. It's not Death Eaters." Bill hurriedly warned "It's Hermione."

Tonks shoe almost slips on the kitchen flooring as a consequence of her sudden twist, the biggest smile in several months on her face. "She's back! Oh Merlin, Bill you pillock! Where is she?"

Bill's eyes were not warm though, completely filled with deep sorrow and a hint of anger. "Tonks, I could stand here and stumble my way through an explanation of what I think has happened, but that will take some time. Hermione needs you...now!"

A bewildered and concerned Tonks followed the eldest Weasley sibling through the house and out the front door. Bill's urgency became somewhat clearer.

Tonks eyes fell on a very malnourished, bloody and unconscious form in the arms of Fleur. The quarter-veela was followed by a shocked and robotic-looking Ron, and off in the distance was Harry and Luna bending over a much smaller form also unconscious. Had Tonks paid more notice to anything else besides the limp Hermione she would have noticed a goblin and famous wand-maker amongst them as well.

Tonks had been standing still under the frame of the door up until the point where Fleur's sad eyes met her own. The Metamorph steamrolled over to them and wordlessly opened her arms in insistent offering. Fleur obliged and placed the brunette's form into the outstretched arms of Tonks.

Carrying her bridal style, Tonks joined the journey back to the house. She had initially thought Fleur had used a weightless charm on the brunette, but Tonks could clearly feel the slight ache in her arms. Hermione had to be dangerously close to the latter end single digits in stone. She was unhealthily light.

The journey was completed in tense and melancholic silence. Tonks instinctively headed for her own temporary bed, internally sacrificing her comfort for Hermione's recovery. Fleur, Ron and Bill followed her in and watched her gently lower the girl onto the bed, maneuvering the covers from under Hermione's body to drape them over the top. Making sure Hermione was in the most comfortable position possible, Tonks began to pull away.

She was stopped a surprisingly firm hand on her wrist, and Tonks looked up into scared and apologetic brown eyes. Hermione's mouth opened and closed without even a release of breath for her efforts. Tonks composed herself and softly told her "shh, don't speak now. Save it for when you're better. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

That was enough for Hermione to be satisfied with, she instantly slipped into sleep again the moment Tonks finished speaking. Tonks kissed her brow tenderly and slowly followed the three on-lookers out.

The moment they were on the other side of the door Tonks whirled round, knuckles clenched, and punched Ron squarely in the jaw. Had it not been his own brother Tonks was punching, Bill would've commended the power behind the punch. Instead he shoved Tonks back warningly as he caught Ron's body from behind. Ron himself was evidently in pain, but had no desire for retaliation. He knew himself he deserved that.

Tonks calmly massaged her aching knuckles and dangerously asked the dazed boy "tell me what happened before you get another one".

Ron licked at a droplet of blood in the corner of his mouth before responding sporadically "Malfoy Manor...the Malfoys...Lestrange...locked us up...couldn't...stop..."

"Maybe I punched you so hard I damaged your brain worse than it already was. Full sentences please Ron."

"Tonks!" Bill scalded "He's clearly still in shock, and undoubtedly close to a breakdown. Show some patience."

"I need answers Bill!" Tonks exclaimed "I want to know every detail of what happened to Hermione so I know who I'm killing first!"

At that point Harry stepped into the fray "join the cue". Harry only now noticed the beginnings of a bruise showing on Ron's cheek and questioningly looked Tonk's way. Undeterred, she tells him "you're lucky you're my Sirius' god child, or you'd be getting one as well."

Harry sighed and began to explain. "We just apparated away from a squirmish at Luna and Xenophilius' home when we were ambushed by Snatchers. They caught us and despite Hermione's efforts to disfigure my appearance they took us to Malfoy Manor. Bellatrix and the Malfoys were there. They were going to summon Voldemort when they spotted this."

Harry unsheathed from between his back belt loop the unmistakable sight of red and silver. The Sword of Gryffindor.

"According to Bellatrix this was supposed to be in her Gringotts vault, and when she saw us with it she immediately assumed we robbed it from her. She chose Hermione to be...her target for interrogation" Harry explained.

Tonk's hatred for Bellatrix was universally known already. The fact of knowing Hermione had undoubtedly been practically electrified alive by the wand of Bellatrix Lestrange nee Black, brought such demonic loathing for her so-called aunt. Tonks wasn't going to use her wand, she would stand over her aunt's corpse and dance for what she did to her Hermione. Then the Malfoys would be next.

It was Bill who asked "how did you escape?"

With watery eyes Harry answered "we were saved by a very dear friend. If you don't mind, I'd like to start on his burial?"

Fleur compassionately offered to help and they both were gone. Ron also drifted out the room without an utterance. Tonks and Bill remained.

There wasn't many people who could read Tonks well. Only Remus, her father, her mother and Hermione were the only consistent examples. But right then Tonks may as well have been accompanied by thought bubbles, because Bill found it easy to read exactly what she was thinking. "You are not to leave this house Tonks, regardless of what revenge plans you have cooking. If not for your own safety and common sense, then you must stay for Hermione's sake."

"I know Malfoy Manor well, I could be in and out without anyone knowing. Especially poor, unfortunate Auntie" Tonks stated.

"You've been there once, as a child. For a full twenty minutes before Lucius demanded you and your mother to leave. Compared to an actual Malfoy and Bellatrix herself, you wouldn't get past the first hedgerow." That was the voice of Remus who took that moment to make his first comment upon arrival.

"I'll call her out. Me and her, one-on-one."

Bill sniped back "don't you think Hermione should be your priority, not some insane suicide mission?"

"Merlin, I wasn't planning on doing it right now. Hermione needs me. When she's better though-"

Remus interrupted "-when she's better she goes back on the hunt, and you will stay here like you promised her. Away from harm."

"You can stuff that where the boggarts fear to go, I'm staying right by her side for the rest of the war" she confidently informed him.

"Look...Tonks, I'm on your side. I think their decision to do this without adequate skill and experience is, quite frankly, foolish. However it is Harry and Dumbledore's mission; Hermione and Ron simply will not allow Harry to do such a task alone. They will not risk putting any further lives in danger, especially the ones they care about."

"But what about who I care for?! Why don't I get a say in who puts lives in danger? What happened earlier wouldn't have if I was with them, now she's come back to me and I'm not gonna let go! Not again!" Tonk's passion nearly wore herself out, she had to lean her forehead on the bedroom door to allow her dizziness to subside.

"Harry didn't mention outside the sword or why Hermione was tortured. By the look on his face, he felt he had told us too much of what they've been up to. But he did it for you" Bill told her.

"Don't be stupid I threatened him" Tonks replied.

"He just told Fleur she was tortured by Bellatrix, nothing more. He even told you about their visit to Xenophilius Lovegood, which had nothing to do with what happened at the Manor."

"What's your point?" Tonks snapped.

Remus caught on to it and supplied "when I went to speak to them they didn't tell me a thing. But there was guilt in their eyes, especially Hermione's. They wanted to tell me but thought it too dangerous."

"So?" Tonks impatiently asked.

"So they understand, they know how hard this is for you."

Tonks laughed humourlessly "that's all well and good...but it doesn't freaking help. In fact, it makes it worse because they know it's hurting me, yet it changes nothing."

Their uncomfortable discussion was thwarted by a cry. The hoarse cry of someone being tortured, and that's likely exactly what they felt was happening to them. And it came from the bedroom.

By the time Fleur and the others had made their way into the guest bedroom, Tonks was already rocking a sobbing Hermione back and forth in her arms.

"...we didn't take anything...we didn't...we didn't take anything..." Hermione repeated between sobs.

"Tonks, she need to be still. 'Old 'er, don't rock" Fleur advised, she then excused herself to find her medical supplies.

Tonks held the crying girl still, unable to hold her own tears back. She wasn't quite sure Hermione was even conscious, or she was but she couldn't see anything but the events of an hour ago. She probably didn't know Tonks was holding her. And that hurt Tonks even more; couldn't even ease the pain Hermione went through.

Tonks met Remus' eyes, as grim and downcast as hers, and telling him through her eyes how he expected her to just let something like this happen again.

He didn't have an answer to that.

Fleur was back in a matter of moments, a large bag and a white cloth in each hand. She came over to Tonk's side "Okay, zis eez just like a panic attack, but she eez suffering hallucinations too. You jus' 'ave to keep talking to 'er. She eez 'earing 'er torturer, you 'ave to keep talking to 'er, softly and lovingly."

Tonks wouldn't think she needed to be told this. She was an auror for years and has had to treat several members of the public, colleagues and even herself for psychological trauma. Panic attacks were at the lower levels of difficulty. But considering she wasn't doing any of those skills now off her own back, she didn't object. "Mione. Don't listen to Bellatrix, she's not here. I'm not going to hurt you sweetheart. Just listen to me, ignore her."

That might sound silly to people not experienced with these situations, but Tonks knew that Hermione was hearing two voices. She was focused more on the evil witches voice, and as long as Hermione was scared by it she'd listen to it. Tonks knew she had to convince Hermione that she no longer needed to be scared, because if she wasn't scared she would listen more to the second voice. Then eventually the first voice would fade out.

She continued "you're not there anymore, you're with me. Remember? This is where I've been kept safe, where you wanted me. And now you're safe. You're safe Hermione."

Hermione stopped crying but she whimpered on. Fleur urged encouragingly "keep eet up, eets working".

"Can you hear my heartbeat? It's beating for you, it's because of you that it's still beating. Come to me Hermione, come to me" Tonks was laying her heart out for all to see.

"It hurts...she's hurting me...my arm...it's hurting..." Hermione moaned.

Tonks was about to start telling her it wasn't real, but Fleur cut in. "her arm, eet's bleeding."

Tonks moved Hermione's wrist to see clearer, and what they saw sickened them to their stomach. "Merde, cette sorcière maléfique au coeur noir" Fleur seethed, diving into her medical bag urgently.

Tonks knew her curses, and this was a curse carved into Hermione by blade. And carved into a despicable word that will never be removed. Tonks stayed stationary and calm though internally she was maliciously assaulting her deranged and sick aunt. "Hermione love, I know it hurts but focus on me. I'll help you, but you have to calm down."

"We didn't take anything...don't hurt me anymore...it hurts..."

Fleur shook her head "eet's no use, she won't calm down. The pain and hallucinations togezzer...we 'ave to give 'er dreamless zleep potion." She started preparing the ingredients whilst muttering in french "elle est seulement une jeune fille".

Bill chose this moment to speak to the assembled crowd "ok, everyone out. There is nothing we can do to help."

Harry and Ron wanted to protest but he was right, they couldn't offer anything to assist Fleur, and Tonks deserved above all others to be present.

The room cleared, leaving just Fleur and Tonks to care for the heavily distressed girl. Tonks looked at the collection of ingredients Fleur was accumulating "so we've got to wait fifteen minutes just so we can put Hermione to sleep? And then what?"

"Zat...wound, eet will not close up until ze curse eez removed. You would prefer 'er to be asleep for zat, non?" Fleur answered.

"Why not put a sleeping spell on her?"

"Zat will just put 'er to sleep, eet won't make ze hallucinations or ze pain go away. Eet won't make a blind beet of difference" Fleur took the ingredients over to a desk and went to work. "A dreamless sleep potion will take away ze hallucinations, ze pain eez partly made worse by ze memory of 'er torture. Eef we stop ze hallucinations ze pain will at least be less intense."

Tonks understood. "But Hermione still has to wait in pain and fear until you brew one."

Fleur raised an eyebrow "Zen you'll 'ave to do your job and comfort 'er until I'm done."

Tonks shut up and Fleur went back to work. Her french ramblings continued "une fois que j'ai brisé cette malédiction, j'en ai une autre pour cette vilaine femme."

Tonks hadn't pictured her morning going like this. Hermione was back but also wasn't. And that was worse than not being here at all.

2.

Three days had passed since that horrible morning. Hermione's curse was promptly removed with surprising ease and no repercussions, Bellatrix must not have had any further motive for cursing her than to mark her for life. The second Death Eater to do that to Hermione.

With the pain gone, ridding Hermione of the hallucinations was much easier and soon she was regaining consciousness with increasing frequency and duration. Fleur said she'd likely suffer nightmares of the event for the rest of her life, but they'd start to become few and far between as long as she was happy and retained that happiness.

Hermione was given one more day of recovery before she was strong enough to start moving around. To Tonks that meant she had one more day with Hermione before she'd be gone again. So Tonks went from clingy and doting to distant, she didn't care about the disapproving looks; it was unfair and mostly Tonk's heart couldn't take a repeat of that emotional hell a second time. But they were going to leave without her and it will probably happen again, with different results.

Tonks sat on the beach, watching the sunset on peaceful waves, where there was no war or fear. The sun was going to sink beneath the horizon and Tonks knew it would rise again. The tide would go out but she knew it would be surging back her way soon enough. Guarantees that you don't get with people.

Tonks barely acknowledged the cautious sound of shoes on sand as they approached from behind. She sensed rather than saw them sit cross-legged beside her. She didn't greet or glance at them, she didn't know who it was until they hesitantly spoke and spoiled the peace. "It doesn't seem right does it? That we get to see such beauty in a world so ugly. Hopefully one day we'll be able to have both beautys to behold, or maybe not."

Tonks sniffed "you call that an ice-breaker."

"Well not everyone can be Albus Dumbledore or Remus Lupin" Harry replied. "Words haven't ever been my strength, which is why I think so highly of Hermione."

Tonks ignored him and an uncomfortable silence festered. Harry dusted stray sand off his shoe and glanced around. His gaze would always come back to Tonks but she fixated her eyes ahead on the orange orb descending in the distance. "Hermione was asking for you, she's worried."

Tonks kept silent for a long while and eventually replied "not too worried I hope, wouldn't want to discourage her from the vital secret mission she can't talk to me about, or involve me in."

Harry sighed "you know it has to be this way."

"Actually, I don't. I've had a long time to think about why, almost nine months in fact, and i've gone through every possible argument of why it needs to be this way. And all I get is more evidence for the opposite. Malfoy Manor, Bellatrix; life is telling me that I shouldn't be here. So Harry, tell me exactly why I am?"

"It's supposed to make it easier, literally and emotionally. I can handle Ron or Hermione putting themselves in danger for me, even though I never want them to, because we've always been that way. The fear of losing them just isn't there despite how illogical it sounds. I can't imagine the day that one of us actually lost our lives because the trust that we won't is too strong to think that way. The only time I've truly feared that one of them would die was the other day at Malfoy Manor, and I'm still getting over that fear."

Tonks drawled back "the impenetrable Golden Trio, that breaks into the Ministry of Magic, get chased by Death Eaters and Snatchers all over the country. Where occasionally one of them might abandon the other two, or another gets tortured to oblivion. Yeah, they're invulnerable alright."

Unperturbed, Harry responded "we're still here aren't we?"

"Are you trying to say I wouldn't be? I'm an expertly trained professional protector of man, a highly skilled combatant in duelling, an expert in dark arts defence; I'm more likely to live than all three of you."

"It's not about qualifications Tonks, this isn't a job interview. The truth is I can't survive and do what I was chosen to do when people die around me, and I can't do the same without Hermione and Ron. This mission requires us to be able to disappear, to make easy escapes, to make us harder to catch. But it also requires enough numbers to have your back, a more diverse set of skills than just your own. It's a cliché but it's true, three is a powerful number."

Tonks groaned and frustratedly replied. "Four isn't bad either. One more person in an escape isn't much but it's a lot when you want your arse covered. Skills? The skill you lack, experience. True experience. Not being cursed at, not Tri-wizard tournaments, not perilous school adventures. Experience of day-in-day-out routines of policing, protecting, combatting and healing. You don't get that from classrooms, textbooks and near death experiences."

"You're right Tonks. You'd be a huge asset, and our chances of survival would be much better with you around." Then Harry leaned in and softly said "that's why we can't afford to lose you. Hermione can't. Do you think she doesn't pine for you all the time? I can't remember the last night I didn't hear muffled sobs. At her worst, she's snappy and short-tempered with me and Ron, but the moment she is reminded of you her smile couldn't be warmer. If that girl didn't love you nine months ago, she sure does now."

Tonks couldn't contain her happy smile, not disbelieving Harry for a second. Harry also whispered conspiratorially "by the way, I think the jack rabbit makes a great patronus, I never liked otters either personally."

Tonks grinned widely, enjoying the coded message and how much it meant to her to know that.

Pulling them back to the main topic, Harry said. "It's the same for me with Ginny. I ache to have her with me, to see her and hold her is my top fantasy right now, but I could not do this with her. There isn't a force on this earth that is ever going to put her in danger as long as I'm alive. Ron is the lucky one, he has his family to worry over of course, but he hasn't someone special, someone in particular that he can't live without yet can't allow them to be in danger."

Tonks bitterly added "and he's the one who ran home".

Harry hesitated but went on to defend "he reacted badly to something, he wasn't himself. But anyway...stuff like what happened the other day, it's probably going to happen again and perhaps worse is yet to come. That's life, no one can change that, not me and not you. The best we can hope for is we do our best and pray that we'll get to come home for good one day soon."

Tonks turned to him for the first time in the conversation and stared at him a while. Unsure what to expect, he began to fidget with some more wet sand.

Tonks smiled positively "you really are a man. Brave, selfless and incredibly stubborn."

"No, that's called being a Gryffindor" Harry replied.

Tonks chuckled once then said "I'm not happy with it, and you are all thick-headed, Hermione included. But I think I finally understand, and I'm not going to be the reason the wrong side won. So you three can go save the world and leave me on my lonesome, but you'd better come back or I'll make the Snatchers hunting look like blind men compared to me."

"Until then, I'll keep the white flag in my pocket. Now seriously, Hermione wants to see you."

Tonks nodded and said "tell her I'll be in to see her in five."

"Okay." Harry shook off as he stood and begun making his way back to the cottage.

Tonks stared back at the sun which had all but hidden itself behind the flat of the earth. No people didn't have guarantees, but they did have hope.

3.

Tonks entered the guest bedroom quietly and was met with an irritated brunette sitting upright in bed. "Finally! And where have you been, I haven't seen you all day?"

Tonks was joyful instead of contrite as she approached the bed "just enjoying the beach."

"Enjoying the beach? Here I am just recovering from anxiety and exhaustion and you're laying about in the sun." An annoyed Hermione had never made Tonk's heart jump before, usually the only organ that would involuntarily jiggle about was her stomach in a downward sensation. But an annoyed Hermione pleased Tonks so much right then.

"I'm sorry" she replied. "Can I make it up to you with a kiss and a cuddle?"

Hermione fought valiantly, but the upward twitch of her mouth betrayed her "it would be a start I suppose."

Tonks lifted her end of the quilt up and crawled onto the bed. She loomed over Hermione, taking in every inch of skin on her face and the liquid brown in her eyes. Cupping the younger girl's cheek, she leaned in and kissed her sweetly. It was like the first kiss all over again, but the message was more than just awe and tenderness, it was telling Hermione exactly how much she missed the last one so long ago, and making the most of this one.

Tonks reluctantly ended the kiss to lay beside Hermione. Tonks was on her back and Hermione snuggled into her side, cheek on the metamorph's chest. "I missed you."

"Really? But it's only been nine months" Tonks cheekily replied.

"Fine, I missed you to the moon and back. I craved you every minute of every day, awake and asleep. I was insanely miserable without you, and I have to convince the ninety percent of my body that wants to be with you to leave again. Is that better?"

"Much better."

Hermione sighed peacefully and closed her eyes. "I've thought of us like this every night, I couldn't sleep unless I imagined you holding me like this. Even then, it never compared to the real thing."

"A little birdie told me you have a new patronus" Tonks smirked. "Or should that be a lovable stag told me."

Hermione's voice sucked in a sharp gasp and her eyes flew open again. "He told you that?"

"More or less, was he lying?"

"Well no...but...it was a shock to me more than anyone else. One minute I'm thinking of you and this rabbit appears. It...was magical."

"Jack rabbit. And thank you, I'll have to be careful or else I'll be conjuring an otter and then we'd have swapped" Tonks commented.

"I wouldn't mind. Anyway, I read somewhere that it's only the beta soul that changes after love, so yours couldn't possibly be changed."

"So are you admitting that I'm the dominant one?" Tonks wiggled her eyebrow.

"You're the alpha, and don't let it get to your head." Hermione lifted a finger and pointed it to Tonks before it quickly went lax again.

"Too late sweetheart." Tonks linked fingers with Hermione "it's very romantic though."

"Very" Hermione agreed.

"You look after yourself Mione. The next time I see you I want you breathing and conscious. Promise me." Tonks sudden seriousness resonated with Hermione and the younger girl lifted her head up to meet her eyes.

With a tender hand on her cheek, Hermione confidently assured her "it won't happen again Tonks. I promise."

"Good" Tonks said. "I love you Hermione."

"I love _you_ Nymphadora"

Their promise was sealed with a kiss. If only they'd known about the finality that awaited them all by this same time the next day.

An

Translations:

 _cette sorcière maléfique au coeur noir_ That black-hearted evil witch.

 _elle est seulement une jeune fille_ She is only a young girl.

 _une fois que j'ai brisé cette malédiction, j'en ai une autre pour cette vilaine femme_ Once I am done with this curse, I have another for that nasty woman.

This chapter is tagged with the Nickelback song Someday.


	7. Love In Its True Form

Hermione watched Harry snap the wand and uncaringly toss it over the side of the bridge. She noted the small splinters hanging, and perhaps even a wisp of mist signifying the loss of power but that may have been her imagination. To many the first thought would be relief, or a less ethical person would think a waste, but Hermione saw it as a sign. A reminder not of the wand itself, despite its late relevance, but the mutual feeling of what this war could've done to them. They _were_ damaged. They _did_ feel empty. They would certainly need fixing, and it won't be an easy repair. But they were not BROKEN.

Some may have died, but they avoided the grief and the hurt left behind, and those people left behind will seek out the ones who were lost. It's the searching that heals; they will never find them on their plain of existence, but as long as they are searching they are recovering.

That is something Hermione has to remind herself, to not stop searching.

The Trio wordlessly returned to the great hall. They had people to see, farewells to give and promises to make. It was going to be difficult saying goodbye, Hermione never once actually said goodbye. Not to her parents, not to Dobby, not to Fred or everyone who was lost. But especially not Tonks. 'Why didn't I' she asked herself 'I didn't know the outcomes, and there was admittedly no time to'. But that wasn't right, in a war the person who doesn't expect or acknowledge the worst case scenario is the one who is most stung. Every time someone left a room, they might never have walked back in. It was silly to say goodbye to people when you expect to be back in a couple of minutes, but you'd be feeling worse than silly if that didn't turn out to happen.

And now Hermione was going to see the bodies of people she had to say goodbye to, but it felt like waving at someone who'd already left a room. And they had in a certain extent, and the grief wasn't any less painful. The only reason Hermione was not bawling her eyes out was due to the lingering adrenaline and shellshock. She had a feeling that the tears would catch up any minute now.

The trio separated on arrival to the great hall. Harry made his way over to the professors that valiantly defended their pupils and castle. Ron made a beeline for the sea of mourning redheads. And Hermione was drawn to the bodies of Remus and…

Sirius Black.

He'd been in Azkaban for sixteen years, making multiple escape attempts to get free and protect his godson. He nearly succeeded a few years back but the fortress of Azkaban was too strongly guarded. Because of the reduced amount of dementors and a Death Eater ministry lowering the defences so that imprisoned followers could escape, they involuntarily aided Sirius' own. And whilst it didn't end with him surviving to see it, his inclusion vitally helped the light win the war.

And it reunited him with Remus, who died alongside his one true love. They have an eternity together now to make up for the sixteen years of separation. Ridiculously sad and romantic at the same time.

Hermione saw their hands, their bodies searched for each other even after death. But they didn't need to search anymore; their time of waiting is over, and they can enjoy an eternity together making up for lost time.

Hermione's hand succeeded in doing what Remus and Sirius' hands could not. She allowed it to entwine with the one _she_ wishes to spend an eternity with, without a word or glance. That person didn't spare her any either. They didn't need to talk to know what they both were thinking, they didn't need to look at each other to know how deeply they felt in that moment.

Somewhere through the haze, Hermione heard Tonk's dry voice. "I was only eight when Sirius was arrested, I can only remember seeing his face before then three times. The last words he spoke to me before then was hello. I was a shy child, believe it or not, almost anti-social. Then I don't see his face for sixteen years, an innocent man not provided with a trial. Truthfully, I almost forgot about him. It didn't occur to me to think of him when you, Harry, Remus and everyone I saw on a daily basis was in immediate or soon-to-be danger." Tonks glanced at Hermione's bowed face, asking for assurement "was that wrong of me?"

Hermione lifted her chin and met her gaze. "A man you barely knew, absent from your life for sixteen years, who may have been dead for all you knew."

Despite her reply failing to answer the question fully, Tonks took the encouragement from them "I barely recognized him when he stumbled out of the portrait tunnel, it was only the look on Remus' face that told me all I needed to know. Then his first, and last, words to me...it haunted me, throughout the entire fight."

"What was it?" Hermione asked with concern.

Tonks squeezed Hermione's hand as she replied "hello."

"Just hello?"

Tonks smiled sadly "just like when I was eight years old. He spoke to me exactly how he spoke to me the last time I saw him. And that's what saddens me the most, because if I hadn't have been that shy, anti-social girl I would have better memories of him. I would've had better conversations with him. I would feel just as sad for his death as I do Remus'. But I don't, and that's my fault."

Hermione rested her cheek on the older girl's shoulder. "If I had been imprisoned for sixteen years, I wouldn't care if only one person thought about me and cared about me the entire time, as long as I still had their heart years later. I'm not Sirius, but I'm sure acknowledgement and recognition was the last thing on Sirius's mind when he escaped Azkaban."

Tonks nodded in agreement "Remus never spoke of him, but the way he looked at dogs, and the way he clung to any black material he could find whenever he thought he was alone. His love never wilted."

Tonks gazed down at the calm serenity visible on Remus's face and began to tear up. "All those times he kicked me up the arse, telling me how to treat the ones I love. He hadn't anyone to love him romantically for the entire time I knew him, including myself. So what could he possibly know about love? I was such a fool."

Hermione kissed Tonks cheek tenderly "you still listened, which makes you far less of a fool than you think you are."

Tonks choked on a sob. Hermione immediately swept Tonks into her arms, both girls burying their faces into bare shoulder and mangled hair. "I'm going to miss him Mione."

"I know Tonks, I know. I'll miss him too" Hermione wept back.

After a minute, they both pulled back and held each other at the waist. Their reddening eyes crinkled with a smile. They leant in simultaneously and kissed, tasting each other as if to remind each other they truly lived. Their survival wasn't a dream, and they weren't going to wake up in each others arms back at Shell Cottage.

It couldn't have been a nightmare, otherwise nobody would've survived, but it was leagues away from pleasant. That only increased their relief and gratitude, being given release after a night of fear. A happy but costly resolution that meant they could reunite properly and never part again.

Their lips separated with a light pop, both catching their breaths. Tonks rubbed her nose over Hermione's as she lightly whispered "Despite everyone we lost, and all the grief I have to deal with, just seeing you makes me happier than I've ever been. It was only last night that we laid together wondering when we'd see each other again, if we ever did."

Tonks caressed Hermione's cheek with a thumb, tracing the bone until her thumb brushed the brunettes lips. "From this day forward, you are mine. Every hour of every day, and no one can change that. I get to stay by your side whenever I want even when you don't want me there. I get to ward off all who tries to hurt you. I get to go to sleep beside you, wake up to you, enjoy the day together, go to our boring jobs and return to each others arms, then enjoy the nights however we see fit. Then we do it all again, and smile at the chance to outdo the day before. One day we'll be like Remus and Sirius are now, except we'd have paid back the debt we owe them with our continuous and unwavering love for each other. And I do love you Hermione."

Hermione replied first with wrapped arms around Tonks neck, second reply with a kiss and a final reply of words. "I love you too."

2.

 _Three months later_

Tonks sat before the mirror, palming at her cheek. Her hand rubbed the edges of her dark bruise-like feature, touching the pointed edge knifing up to her eye. Then she dragged her finger along the mark to the rounded blunt edge tickling her jawline.

She trailed her hand from her scalp to her shoulder blades, as she corrected the slight knots and kinks in her blonde hair. Satisfied with its newfound tidiness, she swayed her cheeks from side-to-side and smiled.

Hermione approached from behind, in the vicinity of their shared bed. She swooped onto her shoulders and crossed her arms over the metamorph's collarbone. She tucked her chin on the slope of Tonk's neck and proceeded to playfully wiggle. "Hey now, who's this gorgeous stranger and what is she doing in our bedroom?"

Tonks smiled back. "Didn't you know, this room is rented by me now, the purple haired girl didn't pay?"

"Typical. So careless that girl, but now there's two strangers occupying the same room, whatever can we do?"

Tonk's free and adventurous hand groped at Hermione's thigh, causing a brief shriek of surprise. "The bed is big enough for two."

Hermione pretended to shy away. "My girlfriend wouldn't like that."

"Who cares, you know what that girlfriend can go and do."

Hermione brushed her lips on Tonk's ear as she replied huskily "she can kiss me."

Tonks quickly twisted to meet her lips. Hermione adjusted her body, stooped over Tonks and kissed her from a high angle. She felt the velvety tongue tickle at the corner of her mouth; an answer to its request was for her to part her lips and allow the tongue to slither into her mouth.

Tonks grabbed at Hermione's pajama top and pulled her round onto her lap. She quickly straddled the older witch. Tonks hands were all over her girlfriend's waist and ventured up her back, Hermione's were in her girlfriend's hair and cupping her face. Hermione lightly and slowly bounced on Tonks lap, slowing the tongue kiss down. The older girl moaned into her mouth, allowing the brunette to control the kiss.

Hermione slowed the kiss even more until their tongues stopped battling. She withdrew her tongue and then her lips. Tonks was made to stare into Hermione's eyes when their foreheads met. Hermione's eyes drifted to her right cheek, her finger stroking over the shapely smudge. She lightly kissed it and said "you're getting very comfortable with yourself now."

Tonks shrugged softly. "When you spend three months with the person who loves you unconditionally, even the most self-conscious person has a reason to."

"Oh, so you only see yourself as beautiful because I do?" Hermione enquired.

"The only person who ever has, of course." Tonk's face then contorted into confusion "should I not?"

Hermione shook her head. "You should, but not because of me. How do you expect other people to fully appreciate your beauty if you don't?"

"Maybe it's not the others who are wrong, maybe you are for-"

Hermione sharply corrected "I am NOT wrong. There is far worse out there than you, and not many better if any. There are people with ugly warts, filthy teeth and disgusting hair; they show them to the world. And it's not because they are loved, it's because they are comfortable. These people still have friends, still are very sociable people, are quite well respected, have lovers."

"Sure, but ask any of them how they see themselves and they'd call themselves hideous" Tonks countered.

"We all do. I don't think I'm as pretty as you think I am. Harry and Ron as well. So many people call me this beautiful girl and I don't see it either. But I've accepted it, not because I believe them, because I want to. The process of self-belief will work so well that eventually you'll believe it yourself."

Tonks sighed and looked up. Hermione was quick to tug her chin back down, a serious look in her eyes. "I think it's time you showed everyone who you are."

Tonks recoiled and immediately began pleading "no, not yet. Please Hermione, I'm so not ready."

"You're more ready than you're ever going to be doing things this way" Hermione told her. "I know what contempt is Tonks, I've seen it from you when names like Bellatrix, Malfoy and Pettigrew are mentioned. I saw it when you looked at yourself this way a year ago. We've lived at your mum's for three months and every night I watch you stare into that mirror with this face. Tonks, I haven't seen a single ounce of contempt in it."

Tonks was about to respond but Hermione cupped her hand over her mouth. "You believe in yourself, I know you do. So we're going to George and Angelina's engagement party, and you're going to show everyone the hidden face I've fallen for."

Hermione uncovered the older girls lips so she could kiss them. After she pulled away she stared into Tonks eyes that were filled with reluctant resignation. That satisfied Hermione well, and resulted in her escorting the blonde back to the bed. She didn't care to bang on about the issue, Tonks wasn't the sort of person to not give things a go even if they didn't turn out so good. And furthermore, this was a big step for Tonks and it was unfair to put too much pressure on her.

Tonks soon put the party to the back of her mind, as she did most things when she was snuggled up to Hermione in bed. They laid in their favourite position, for sleeping that is, the classic spoon. Tonks the back spoon and Hermione the front.

And just like every night before, Tonks stared unwaveringly at the smooth face and chocolate curls before her. She would lay and watch until she felt sleep overcome her, absorbing her girlfriends beauty. Hermione was very much aware of this. Sometimes she'd comment on it, whilst refusing to open her eyes, in fear of losing the comfort she was in. But the majority of the time Hermione would pretend to be asleep, smile inwardly at the cuteness of the girl behind her, until she actually was asleep.

Besides being in a hypnotic trance, Tonks would think about how far they've come, all the things they could've missed, how they got here. Tonks fought back to the young girl she sat in a forest with, she remembered their dynamic. Tonks was being irritaringly funny, and Hermione pretended to not like the distraction that helped pass the time. They were barely friends before then having only seen the other a couple of times, what changed so drastically that this girl became the person Tonks loved most in the world?

Acceptance.

Encouragement.

Belief.

Hermione was the one who accepted her unconditionally, better than anyone else had. She was the one who saw Tonks and decided there was no shame in her appearance. She believed in Tonks, the true Tonks.

Tonks laid behind her this night and decided that the question she wanted answering was the wrong question. The real question was how could such an amazing girl accept, encourage and believe in her from just a potion experiment in a dark forest?

Hermione could provide plenty of answers that Tonks would be skeptical of; Tonks named a few that were likely self-deprecating rather than true. No one else can answer because no one else knew the truth.

That's why she decided then and there that she was going to reveal her true self at the engagement party. In the end Tonks would do anything for Hermione, because compared to what Hermione has done for her, Tonks owed her girlfriend a huge debt.

If Hermione believed in her, she would believe in Hermione. And if Hermione says everything would be okay, then everything will be okay.

"Hermione" Tonks softly spoke into her ear.

"Mhm" she mumbled back.

"I believe you."

Hermione grunted her disagreement and said "no, you believe in you."

"I believe that you believe I believe in myself."

Hermione's laugh warmed Tonk's heart and the younger girl scooted further into Tonks. "Good.'

They then shortly fell into sleep together, with Tonks feeling more beautiful than ever before. Because she loved Hermione, THE most beautiful girl in the world. With beauty comes love, and this was love in its truest form.

THE END

AN; Well that's it, hope you enjoyed it. Personally I prefer the shorter format to my long-arsed hundred thousand word stories, those really are time consuming and endless. I also think Tonk/Hermione is one of my favourite pairings.

This is the first half of my Author's Note heading into my next story, more of a heads up really. I'm taking a break from Potter, not the fandom obviously just fanfiction, because I've realised that for Romance, HP works well. Teenagers. Boys and girls. Very relatable world. But Action/Adventure, I really need to improve on that aspect of my stories. Which is one if the reasons why I've decided to write a Game of Thrones fanfiction.

The other reason is because I recently rediscovered it, I remember years ago watching up to season two and suddenly stopping. I can't remember why, especially now I binged all seven seasons from start to finish a week ago. It might not be as nice of a world as HP but there's charm in its darkness; good stories amongst the sex, gore and foul language. And at least I can be more me with this new story; its quite liberating to be given permission to swear.

Anyway thanks for reading _this_ story, and to my audience reading this I thank you for choosing this story to waste however much of your day with.


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